Like Duck to Water, thats how I have taken to life :). This blog is the saga of love and adventures of a small duck in a large water body called LIFE....

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Showing posts with label Studies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Studies. Show all posts

Monday, May 11, 2009

A tough trough :(


Its strange how life works sometimes. Was it only a month back when I was riding the crest of happiness? Today I'm on the lowest of lows. Its not that I didn't expect this. Its only that I was hoping that it'd not turn out to be this way. Its sad that it had to happen today of all days - May 11th has been good to me so far, it being the date of our Gruhapravesha as well as Snugli's namakarna.

First the good news. I came to know that I got accepted into the college I applied to for MBA almost immediately after the application (which involved 3 essays + a few mini essays + an extended letter requesting for aid). But the bad news was that there was no aid. I again knew this would be the case, because I applied only after the scholarship deadline was done and was told that the chances were slim. This was almost 3 weeks back. I guess I sorta deluded myself into thinking that things may change ('cause the advisor had hinted that they'd know for sure by May).

The basic fact is that its a pretty huge amount. Yes we can take loans and "afford" it. My dad even offered to sponsor the studies. But I personally don't want to spend so much on a degree right now without knowing whether I will actually have the return of investment immediately. I have always been open about the fact that I want another child and we have to think of various things when making a commitment like that. And I don't want us to be burdened with loans and sacrifice the basic things I love about my life. I was hoping that if I got a scholarship, then it will just be a matter of taking care of Snugli. But well, thats not the case. Looks like I have the score, I have the experience, I have the academical record and I have even been accepted into the university, but I don't have the money :(.

Today I met with the advisor and finally said that I won't be able to accept their offer. The proverbial nail on the coffin or whatever. I asked my application to be transferred to next year (well, if there is aid then, we'll have to think long and deep about that). But this is it for MBA this year. It'd have been kinda perfect had I been able to do it this year, but things don't always go our way. Felt very bad once I was out of the advisor's office - its very tough when you see a part of your dream being crushed right in front of your eyes. I let the tears flow and the sorrow drain. Yes, it'd have been very tough to actually complete a full-time MBA in one year and I'm sure I'd have cribbed about it here. But I would have tried. Given it my best. I tell myself, its their loss. But feel that its mine..

Maybe fate has something else planned for me. Maybe I should learn to be more grateful for what I have. And I have a lot of things to be grateful about. I have things in my life that many people don't. Maybe I should just live in the moment and forget all about not having a career as of now. But somehow, these days women think careers are an integral part of their lives, so we have started to judge our failures and successes in terms of the career we have. I feel embarrassed to say I'm not working, why is it that when I do so much for my family? And its certainly not that I don't have respect for housewives. Its just that when it comes to me, I feel bad that I'm not working right now or not doing anything as I call it :-\. I always imagined myself returning to work, 1 year after having a baby. Maybe I'm the one who is being judgmental on myself. Maybe not meeting the high expectations I set for myself is what is hurting me so much. Maybe its wrong, but I can't really help it. These maybes will go on, but this post is ending here..

Manzilein Apni Jagah Hein
Raaste Apni Jagah
Jab Kadam Hi Saath Naa De
Tho Musaafir Kyaa Kare..

Friday, April 10, 2009

Official Update :)


Received the GMAT official report on email yesterday (I don't know what the lady was talking about when she said 21 days - maybe its the number of days for the schools to get the report). And my AWA score is

5.5/6.0

I honestly thought that my essays on the actual test didn't sound as "complicated" as the sample essays in all the books. Well, maybe the evaluators are into "simple" :)).

Jumping up and down round 2 is on!! :-D.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

The jagged road to GMAT..


My situation for the past week has been this - my nails have been bitten to their very-possible ends. There has been very less sleep and lots of nerves. My stomach had this knot which grew day by day until 2 days ago when I could actually almost feel it. I've been on the edge and its been a long long time since I've felt something like this (probably 8 years back when my engineering life came to its end- wow, yes, its been 8 years!). I don't really like the way I was feeling. All this was on account of my GMAT test yesterday, April 4th 2009, morning. When the TOEFL demon feels like a cute fluffy dog comparatively, you can imagine how terrifying the GMAT monster is..

But wait, lets rewind to April 2007, when I completed TOEFL and was thinking of actually going for GMAT. Its not that I didn't put in the effort, I tried to study for about 2 months. But whenever I attempted a practice test, my pacing was terrible and I almost always had about 10 questions remaining whenever I completed a test. This kinda disappointed me (you think? :-p). Plus when I found out that I was pregnant, the already slackened pace came to a grinding halt. I'm going to blame the hormones, thank you very much :-D.

Fast forward to about December 2008. The pregnancy excuse had expired, even the child excuse was not working anymore. I had to do something, so I started off studying early in the mornings without telling anyone. Actually even Sri was unaware of this secret studies for quite sometime. I was able to study only for an hour because of "Snugli" circumstances :-D, yet something was better than nothing. I started practising some tests in January and one thing I realized that I was mistaking the "75" minutes for each section to be 45 minutes and falling behind pretty bad. To this day, I don't know whether thats what I did in 2007 when I tried all those tests. If so, then I could have actually taken the test way earlier {slaps forehead}. Once I realized my mistake, I was a bit more confident.

Pause. Before we talk about confidence and the actual prep of the test, lets get the basic definitions over and done with. GMAT stands for Graduate Management Admission Test and it is basically acts as a preliminary to apply to most management schools (some do accept GRE scores). GMAT is a computer adaptive test (hence called GMAT CAT) which means that the test adapts to the student's difficulty level. In simpler terms, if say difficulty of questions range from level 1 to 10 and say, the first question is a level 5, if the student answers correctly, then the test sets the next question to a higher level of difficulty. If the student answers wrong, then the next question will be a lower difficulty level. Totally confusing, I know.

In addition to this, the scores are not direct. Usually if there are 100 questions say and you answer 80 correctly then your score is 80. But in GMAT, this is not so. There is a difficulty factor that comes in. So if you answer 60 difficult questions and 20 not-so-difficult ones correctly, then your score might be 90. In the same way if you answer 60 not-so-difficult questions and 20 difficult ones correctly, then your score might be lower than 50. Mind you, this is just an example. Hence, the correct number of answers is converted to a scaled score and is tallied in a distribution to get your percentile and a score. Yeah it is as crazy as it sounds :-D. The maximum score is 800 and top schools in US and UK usually say 680 is the lowest they accept. The school I am looking at says that their average is 607.5, but I was expecting to score atleast a 650 and hoping to get a 700 ;-).

If your mind is not boggled yet, lets move on. The total test is about 4 hours inclusive of 2 10 min optional breaks and school selection/survey screens. The following are the sections in the GMAT:

1) Analytical Writing Assignment (AWA):

The AWA consists of 2 essays which need to be completed in 30 min each. This section is graded separately for 6 points and this does not count towards the total score. But if you plan to apply to top schools, then you need atleast a 5. It has 2 parts.

  • a) Analysis of an Issue: In this essay, we have to write for or against an issue stated.

  • b) Analysis of an Argument: Here we critique an argument given, state its flaws and suggest how it can be strengthened.
The essays are tougher than those on TOEFL, but I still wasn't worried, just looked at a few sample ones and that was it.

2) Quantitative section:

This is the Math section of GMAT and it has 37 multiple-choice questions to be completed in 75 minutes. That means about 2 min per question. The section has 2 types of questions but the problems are intermingled.
  • a) Problem Solving: This can range from a simple problem to a very wordy problem where you might need to figure out what the equations are and solve them to get to a solution (and yes, you have 2 min to do that!).

  • b) Data Sufficiency: This one is a bit too weird to explain. Here a question is asked and 2 pieces of data are given. You have to determine whether the 1st data or the 2nd data or both the data or both the data individually or neither the data is sufficient to determine the solution to the question asked. Phew!
I was scared about this mainly due to the computer adaptivity part. I am good at Math and that became the scary part. If you are good, the test adapts to that and you always get difficult problems. And difficult problems usually take more than 2 steps to solve. Yup the 2 min was a major constraint. Moreover I was making some totally silly mistakes (once I got totally stuck in a problem thinking 9*9=36!!!) and was completely irritated with myself. The problems require concentration. If the problem asks x directly, you can solve it. But if it asks for x/2, you solve for x and forget the x/2, one of the 5 choices will always have that answer {rolls her eyes}. Now imagine it asks 30% of x/2, then more wrong choices are littered your way. I'm giving a very simple example, but you get the idea.

All in all, the Math is supposed to test whether you answer difficult questions under pressure correctly (and not by fluke). The test is brilliant, but you can see how this whole thing is a big problem for the person actually taking the test ;-).

3) Verbal section:

The final section of the GMAT is verbal. If you think that verbal will be easy after the TOEFL, you are utterly wrong! GMAT verbal is on a totally different level. It has 41 questions and again has to be completed by 75 min, which makes it about 1.5 min per question. There are 3 types of questions here:
  • a) Sentence Correction (SC): You have to determine whether a sentence or part of it is correct. Usually atleast 2 of the 5 choices sound correct.

  • b) Critical Reasoning (CR): This consists of a 4-line argument and after reading it, you have to determine which of the 5 choices strengthen the conclusion/weaken the conclusion/is the conclusion/is an assumption and so on. The questions require full concentration.

  • c) Reading Comprehension (RC): Its all about passages and questions. But TOEFL passages look like children stories compared to this. The passages maybe on Science/History/Art/Finance/Economics or whatever. So first of all, you may not even understand the passage. Plus the questions are never direct. For example, if the passage is on Mona Lisa, say, TOEFL question might be "who painted it?". But GMAT question as such would be "What is the main idea of the passage?" (choices may range from the Mona Lisa, to Leonardo Da Vinci's paintings, to paintings in general) or "what's the author's attitude in the passage?" (choices ranging from appreciation to condemnation :-\). Please feel free to extrapolate this to serious passages with similar questions :-p.
English was never my first language. So grammar isn't something that is an integral part of me. I speak/write good English, but actual grammar is something else. If it "sounds" correct, it doesn't mean it is! I was doing okay, but wasn't getting any better with study. "Practice" was the only advice I got from everywhere :-p.

And thats that! And so by the end of February I was hardly managing to study an hour, but stepped up the pace in March. What was my strategy, you ask? Strategy? Are you kidding me? With Snugli around, the only time I get is when she naps. During her morning nap I cook, so what was left was her afternoon nap. And she doesn't nap continuously, so couldn't really take a test on weekdays at all. So I made it a point to study atleast 2 hours a day (I did skip days sometimes) and take one test per weekend. In 2007 I actually had completed studying Princeton Review's Cracking the GMAT with DVD, 2006 edition. So I started off with Barron's GMAT, 2007 edition this time. I didn't buy any books, the books were all courtesy of our library :). Once I was done with it, I again reviewed the Princeton review book and also took their free online test.

By this time I had to take an appointment date. I took my TOEFL test 2 years ago on March 17th and it expires after 2 years. I wanted to be done with GMAT within then. But I mailed the university I want to take up MBA in and they said that the TOEFL scores would be valid this year (well, if they change their mind, I'll have to take up TOEFL again, but it should be much smoother after GMAT :-D). That gave me the excuse to postpone it a little longer and I finally set the GMAT test appointment to be April 4th, morning 8 AM, shelling out $250 for the same :-p. Thankfully there is a centre here in Lexington about 10 miles away. And so the crunch time had begun ;-).

What really helped me more than the books I mentioned earlier, was the official guide (OG) from the GMAT people. About a fortnight ago, I downloaded pieces of the 11th edition from the internet (Esnips is a good source :-D), took printouts and started on the sentence correction questions of the verbal section. Man, they have a hugge set which kinda made me more confident. Then went onto study the critical reasoning and about half of Reading comprehension. But then I discovered the best thing. The MBA site has a GMATPrep tool which you can download and practice tests on. The tool has only 2 practice tests, but just by deleting a folder and reinstalling the tool you can get multiple tests (though some of the questions might be repeated since its the same database). Whats really wonderful is that the tool is a replica of the actual test and also has the same algorithm. So you see the same screens plus you get the computer adaptive part.

My mistake was that I took my first GMATPrep test only last Sunday. Though I wasn't very accurate on the verbal, the pacing wasn't a problem there. But quantitative was a major problem, my pacing was all wrong and I ended up guessing about 10 questions because I just didn't have time left to answer them (one tip is that its better to guess than leave the questions unanswered as there is a penalty :-D). Overall, my score wasn't that bad even with about 10 incorrect questions in Math and another 10 in verbal (lets talk about the scores later ;-) :-D). I had initially thought of taking only 2 GMATPrep tests, but it was then I knew I had to take atleast a couple more. I decided not to overstress myself the last 2 days. So Sunday noon was my 1st test. I took the 2nd on Monday evening locking myself up in the room while Sri watched over Snugli. Then deleted and reinstalled the tool. Took my 3rd on Tuesday evening and 4th on Wednesday. I was totally tired by then. So on Thursday and Friday though I did work out the OG Math questions. I didn't take any tests.

Also on Thursday we drove and checked out the test centre, which was a good thing to do, as on the test day I planned to go by myself (ofcourse driving around with Snugli so early in the morning didn't make sense). By Friday I was a nervous wreck. I knew it wasn't a matter of life and death (which my dad always says), or the end of the world (courtesy of mom) or it wasn't as if I couldn't retake the exam (this one's by Sri). But I didn't want to retake the exam. I wanted it over and done with once and for all. I wanted no regrets and didn't want to waste away $250 :-p. I was scared of making a silly mistake and ending up with a disastrous score.

Also I read a GMAT experience which further scared me. That person had scored just like me in the prep tests, but scored very less in the actual test. One of the reasons suggested was that he hadn't practiced the essays and probably that resulted in more pressure. I hadn't practiced essays either! I just couldn't the whole thing out of my head. I tried to relax myself as much as possible. I was taking deep breaths all the time. I even went to my Zoomba exercize class because I find that I enjoy dancing very much and that it relaxes me. I made it a point to stop studying altogether by night and sleep early (but that I was up another hour awake was a different matter :-D). Then finally I realized that this was exactly how I felt before Bungee-jumping. But then it was an exhilarating experience. The idea somehow gave me peace and I managed to sleep.

On the D-day, I was up at 5:30 AM and ready by 6:30 AM. Again made it a point to eat some light breakfast (all tips and tricks of tackling GMAT) and to carry a couple of energy bars with me to the centre. I had to carry my passport and had to be there 30 min before the appointment. I was there at about 7:15 AM and inside the centre at about 7:25 AM. There were a couple of students with me and one of them had a couple of books in front of her and was studying away. This kinda made me smile and helped me relax some more. Later I found out that she was taking a different test on ultrasound :-\. I was the first person, so they gave me a sheet full of disclaimers to read (:-D) which screamed that anyone who is found cheating will be blacklisted with all the universities, hehehehe :)). Since I wasn't planning to be blacklisted, this helped me relax further.

Finally the lady in charge called me, took my passport, got my signature and scanned my palm (!!). I had read about palm scanning, but it was a very cool thing to experience eventhough the device was nowhere near cool :-p. Then she gave me a locker key, asked me to remove my watch (I knew stopwatches/digital watches were not allowed, but I was wearing a simple feminine watch and was surprised that even that wasn't allowed). She also asked me remove my bracelet as it might make a sound against the table and disturb others (!!!). I could only take my passport and locker key inside, so locked up everything else and proceeded to the test room.

Now this was really very cool. They had a small hall fitting about 15-20 students. 1/4th of the room was a glass cubicle from which a person could continuously monitor everyone in the room. Plus they had cameras and microphones in the room to see everyone's facial expressions and hear any mutterings (all anti-cheat mechanisms). This was continuously streamed to the cubicle on a comp. As someone seeing such a thing for the first time, it was all very exciting. Anyways, the lady there scanned my palm again (this would be done every time anyone entered/exited the hall) and escorted me to my seat.

I took a deep breath and began. Before starting the tests you have to select the schools. I chose 5 schools nearest to where I live. Also this particular screen is not timed (every other screen in the test is), so I checked the laminated scratch-sheet and markers they gave me. I moved through the tutorials pretty fast and soon encountered the 1st essay question. I'm not supposed to mention any questions here, so I'll just say, I did pretty okay in the analysis of argument and was able to complete it in 30 min (I was just reading it for the final time when the time expired :-p). The Issue essay was also pretty okay. I think I'll get above 4 on the section, but have to wait for official scores (which will come only after about 21 days). It was time for my first optional break.

You have to raise your hand if you want to take the break and wait until you are escorted out. After palm scanning, went to the locker, ate the energy bar, went to the restroom, washed my face with cold water, drank some water from a water fountain nearby, stretched/walked around a bit and was ready to tackle the Math monster :). The quantitative section was, well, I still don't know how to describe it, tough. I was able to stop myself from making some silly mistakes, but there is no way to know whether you are getting, if not every question, atleast some of the questions right. People say that if you find the test tough, it means that things are looking good - it indicates that you are on a more difficult level. I did screw up on the pacing and in the last had only about 2 minutes for 3 questions. Tried and marked my answers based on process of elimination and finished the section. Took the next optional break (Its good to take the breaks. It helps you forget the past and move on ;-). Even the energy bars are supposed to help as the test requires tremendous mental energy. Also it keeps your mind from jumping to hunger in the middle of the test and lose concentration).

My head was still reeling with the Math, so I kept muttering "Let go of it, its done" to myself. Did a repeat of things of the previous break and went back in. Again took several breaths and began. The Verbal was pretty okay I thought. Very early in the section, my pace was strong, so I had more than enough time. The CR and SC questions were as tough as usual, but the RC passages were thankfully understandable. Halfway through the section, My eyes started feeling the strain, so I started resting them and taking short breaks. With 10 questions remaining I still had 30 min time, so was able to close my eyes and relax whenever I wanted. I actually finished the test with 10 min left! Now came the really-scary part- the scores of the quantitative and verbal sections would be reported immediately. But first I had to chose to report or cancel the scores.

For me there was never really a choice, I had gone determined to report the scores no matter what. Before it gave me my unofficial report, I had to go through a series of survey questions (which ask about your experience, your field, where you studies etc) which was a bit irritating :-p. Then it was time to see the scores. I was out-of-mind scared, took a very very very deep breath and clicked Next. And there it was -

UNOFFICIAL GMAT SCORE REPORT

Scaled Score Percentile
Quantitative 4884
Verbal3678
Total70090


700! 700?? I had this huge smile on my face immediately, got out and got a printout of the unofficial score report. Called Sri immediately and literally shouted into his ears :-D. Jumped up and down and danced the whole day yesterday, called everyone and told stories about the whole experience in detail ;-) :-D. I was on a high whole of yesterday and was brought down only today morning when I realized that had I only attempted the tests a bit earlier, maybe I'd have scored better. Oh well :-p. I'll be receiving the official score report in 21 days and am planning to head to the university this week to get things moving. Finally!

My scores in the prep tests were as follows:
GMATPrep1 - 650
GMATPrep2 - 660
GMATPrep1(repeat) - 700 (but there were a few questions repeated)
GMATPrep2(repeat) - 720 (again a few questions repeated)

They say usually the real score will fall between + or - 30 of the prep test score :-D. Also just wanted to add that in the real test, I never got a single question repeated from the Prep tests or the OG, though basically the screens were the same and that really helped a lot :).

And so in the pond of life, the duck encountered another duck-eating monster. Yes the duck was prepared, but it couldn't help but be scared. But you know what? This duck scan still fly, baby :))).

Monday, April 09, 2007

Cracking the TOEFL IBT :)


Sorry for being missing for almost a week. Well, it was Easter long weekend and we were off on yet another of our adventures, but that will be for the upcoming post...

TOEFL. Test of English as a Foreign Language. When I started studying for it somewhere around the end of January 2007, I thought it would be easy. After all like Amitabh Bachchan says in "Namak Halaal",

I know such English that I will leave the British behind. You see sir, I can talk English, I can walk English, I can laugh English, I can run English, because English is such a funny language.

Hehehe. But there were problems in queue. The format of TOEFL had changed and there was a new terrifying "Speaking" section introduced. I am a good speaker, in front of friends that is :-p. Put me on a stage and I start blabbering (though I do sing on stage). Singing seems like a lesser evil compared to speaking on stage anytime :-p. Though the speaking section in TOEFL would be just recording on a computer, it was still enough to make me nervous.

Let me start at the beginning. The new TOEFL IBT (Internet based test) is for 120 marks and consists of 4 sections carrying 30 marks each:

  • Reading: The regular comprehension. A passage is given, you have to read through and answer the questions listed about it later. The advantage is that you can refer to the passage whenever you want (it doesn't go away). But there are some questions which might prove to be a pain. Like the one worth 2 points which asks you to choose 3 options to summarize the passage out of 6 very-similar-points. I was not very worried about this one.


  • Listening: In this one, you have to listen to lectures/conversations etc and answer questions. The audio would be played only once, so you cannot really refer to it again, but you are allowed to take notes. Here again, I wasn't very worried as I had the Barron's TOEFL iBT Internet-Based Test 2006-2007 12th Edition with CD-ROM book from the library and practiced the taking notes part very well.


  • Speaking: Now this was a pain. There are 6 questions in the Speaking section of TOEFL. First 2 deal with your favourites/opinion. Next 2 are integrated questions, you have to read a passage, listen to a conversation/lecture and speak stating the summary. The last 2 are listening questions, where you listen to conversation/lecture and speak summarizing the topic. Man, I practiced about 7 model tests totally, yet my answers would come out stilted. I pulled Sri into listening to some of my responses and he gave some suggestions. Though I improved, I was just not comfortable with the section :(.


  • Writing: You have to write 2 essays for this section. One is an integrated essay where you need to read a passage, listen to a lecture and then summarize (again the passage would be available for reference but the lecture was played only once) and the other an independent essay where you have to write on a topic arguing for a position. I didn't even practice this one. I consider my blogging enough practice :-D. I did look through the sample essays provided in the book. But didn't really bother too much.
The previous TOEFL CBT is considered "intelligent" in which how you answer the first section determines the type of questions you get in other sections (this is still used in countries where IBT hasn't been introduced yet). But thankfully, the new IBT doesn't have that. Anyways after studying the Barron's TOEFL book I mentioned, I was ready to take up the test. I wanted to take it on 10th March 2007, but when I tried to book in on 6th, I found out that there would be a late fee for that date :-p. So I booked it for 17th March 2007 (for $150!) and finally took it up then.

The test was at 8 AM in the morning and Sri drove me to the test centre. I noticed that there were a lot of Oriental people taking up the test. After showing my passport for identification, I was taken to my seat which had a computer and a headset (with headphones and a microphone). After making myself comfortable in terms of volumes etc, I started off. The total test would be for 4.5 hours! The reading and listening sections were comfortable and I completed them within the allotted time. I didn't even check my answers, I didn't really want to waver, so with complete concentration read the passages, listened to the lectures and answered the questions.

There is a break of 10 minutes between the listening and speaking sections and this is mandatory. So went out and made myself relax for the upcoming difficult task. While there I met a oriental student, who gushed that the test was very difficult and he thought that he wouldn't be doing well. The fact surprised me (maybe I had taken too many model tests and was well-versed with the reading and listening) and kind of made me more confident :-D. Then I returned to my table for the Speaking section. I tried to speak as clearly as possible and though I made a couple of mistakes (like forgetting to look at the time and not completing one of the answers in time, a couple of grammatical errors), I felt good. I think now that I could not have done any better :).

The last section was the writing section. The integrated essay came out wonderful (I'm not really supposed to mention the topics as I signed a copyright agreement while taking the test :-D), the only problem was that just as I was correcting a final grammatical error, the time was up and the essay auto-saved itself :-\. The independent essay came out even better :-D. I thought out points and hammered (suththi-hodiyodu :-D) them nicely into the essay. I had done well :).

The results were supposed to be after 15 days or so I thought. So on April 2nd, when I panicked and looked at the registration site, I found out that it was 15 "business" days. Oh well. I was confident yet had doubts.

Confident me: "I'm sure I'll get above 100 :)."
Not-so-confident me: "What if I don't even cross 79? :(."


(79 is the minimum score stipulated by the university I want to apply to).

Well, today is the 16th "business" day. Morning as soon as I got up, I checked whether I had any mails and didn't find any from the TOEFL people. So I logged onto the registration site to see that the scores were "available". I took a deep breath and clicked on the link.

114/120


Reading29/30
Listening29/30
Speaking27/30
Writing29/30


They also had paragraphs describing how "High" my scores were and indivudual sectional summaries. God! I am so ecstatic! I have been jumping up and down ever since. I knew that I wouldn't score well in Speaking, so am really surprised at the 27. I was sure that I'd score something around "20-22". Well, with all the weird accents around, maybe mine was pretty clear for the examiner and he/she must have given the marks just because they understood what the heck I was talking about :-D. I'm happy and I'm grateful :). I guess you must have guessed it'd be a positive result from the title of the post and the smile there ;-). If it had been bad, I don't know whether I'd have been able to write a post on it :-\.

Well, one down, another to go! GMAT, here I come!

Monday, January 01, 2007

End of an era :(


I have always been "lucky". Things have usually worked out my way. It probably started way ago in primary school. I was able to join the high school I wanted, later the P.U college I wanted and still later the engineering college I wanted. Though when it came to campus recruitment, I badly wanted to get into Infosys, but didn't and was a bit disappointed then. But again, I got into a pretty good company. Again when I joined, I was to be posted to another city. But it again worked out and I was able to continue to work in Bangalore.

When I got married and later Sri was put into a project here in US, I really thought I would have to resign, but again things worked out (as I wrote in my "Ok now the real deal :)" post) and I was given a transfer. I have been telecommuting here since 1.5 years without any problems. And I have been grateful for the way things were going.

But good times, they say, don't last. Though my L1 work permit/visa is valid till June 2008, each 6 months an extension of my international assignment happens internally in my company. This particular thing has to be approved by a series of managers from my manager to the vice-president of the company (don't ask me why, thats the policy). Till now I thought this would be a mere formality. Maybe I had gotten used to working from home. Maybe I had gotten totally lazy. Maybe I had become complacent. So much that I didn't even bother trying for a job outside though I am being paid in India and my salary is nothing compared to what people get here. I liked working from home at my pace. It was a freedom that I had gotten used to.

Sadly one of the higher managers refused to approve the extension this time. Well, what were my options? Go back to India and work. Since that was not very feasible, what with Sri working here, the only thing to do was to resign. Which I did a couple of days ago. My last day of work will be in the first week of January 2007. What a way for the new year to start eh!!

I admit I was very disappointed. There were times when I was even bitter. But there is nothing I can do about it. There's no way I'll be away from Sri. And its a miracle this whole thing worked out for the past 1.5 years. Atleast I have been working and it has obviously increased my "work experience" factor. So I am grateful for that. My only woe is that had I just been given a hint about this some time back, I would probably have tried for something. But, whats done is done..

Meanwhile, I'm actively looking for jobs. But to do a job in US means acquiring a H1 which is a whole new story altogether (I'll be writing on it some other time). Another plan is to study either MS or MBA. Both require TOEFL (Test of English as a Foreign Language) scores and while MS requires a GRE (Graduate Record Examination) score, MBA requires GMAT (Graduate Management Admission Test) score. And man, are these exams costly :-p. So I wouldn't like to attempt them before I'm well prepared. Which is why I have a plan in place. First want to finish TOEFL and then decide whether to do GRE or GMAT :-D.

I'm not giving up. My major worry is that I'll become redundant and that sitting idle at home will make me kind of useless (I know I can never be that, still I am afraid I will). I remember when I graduated, it was recession time and we were not sure whether the company that had selected us in Campus recruitment would even take us or not. Many companies had absolutely refused to do so. A single walk-in/test from a company meant 1000s of students gathering in the place to attend. My company had postponed the joining date. I remember being very depressed. Because there was literally no hope then. But I joined music classes, visited relatives I hadn't visited for years (due to my studies) and when my company actually made us join, I remember actually being glad for having the break :). Hopefully this will turn out to be the same way.

Somebody (I don't know who) said:

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

There are many funny versions of this, the latest ones being:

When life gives you lemons, find someone who has vodka and throw a party!

When life gives you lemons, sell them on ebay!

Hehehehe :-D. Anyways I am digressing. My only resolution for the new year, is not to let myself get into negativity. Though I may feel down from time to time, I am going to make myself get back on track and work on achieving a few things I have always wanted to (I have always wanted to do my Masters). Maybe this is for the good. Maybe this is going to make me get up, look around and strive hard to get what I want. Maybe this is going to make things better than they already are. As my dad always says "This is not the end of the world" and it certainly is not :).

Quoting Lee Ann Womack's song "I hope you dance", which is my motto as of now ;-)...

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances, But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake , But it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out, reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance..


Thats my advice to anybody who's reading this post. I hope you dance, people :). Meanwhile wish you a very happy and a prosperous new year :).