Realization dawns..

I have realized that you cannot take anything for granted - not even things that have already happened. Just when you are thinking that everything is going well, life suddenly throws a curve ball and the very next day things might be the total opposite of yesterday.

"Life has a funny way of sneaking upon you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right" - Alanis Morisette in the song "Ironic".


I have realized that pessimism can actually be a good thing sometimes, though this fact is painful to admit for an inherently optimistic person like me. When you are totally optimistic, if things don't go your way, you'll obviously be disappointed. But being pessimistic, the hurt will be much less and if things do work out, the happiness will obviously be more ;-). Well, its not easy to change this intrinsic quality :).

I have realized that some things take time (take their own sweet time actually), no matter how much you pray, you wish or you worry. Bribing Gods only goes so far. Sometimes things happen without even trying and other times, no matter how much your effort is, the return is just not equivalent. This is especially true if you are wishing for something good to happen to someone else other than you. If you are praying and the other person is not really making decisions for the good, then tell me, what can God do to help? If you yourself don't do anything and keep pointing the finger at everyone else, then sorry to say, things will just not go your way..

I have realized that everyone is addicted to something or another. Need not be bad always. People generally hear of the bad addictions like smoking, drinking, drugs etc. But sometimes even religion (as in God), culture (as in not-meaningful-anymore rituals) or even self-obsession can be an addiction. For an example, I'm addicted to travelling, I just cannot sit at home for more than 3 months. I just long to go somewhere and see something. I also cannot do anything half-way. If I get into a new activity and I like it, its usually like building a resume - I have to go deeper into the thing almost to a semi-professional level, if not totally professional. Glad that Sri does understand and support this addiction of mine :).

I have realized that there is no point in arguing with someone with a different point of view, even though you are right in the logic. Some people stick to their opinions like they have been plastered to them with the most potent glue. And just because you fight/argue with them or write lengthy mails explaining it all, things aren't suddenly going to change. Just because you obsess over the right things to say and question your decisions of the mile-long explanations, it doesn't mean that they are doing the same thing or will have regrets about their behavior or apologize to people that have been hurt by their attitudes. Such people exist and though they are totally against the beliefs you have grown up with, you just have to deal with it and accept them.

I have realized that being young is getting to be more difficult these days. It was probably never that easy to begin with, but these days, with all the social networking, nothing you do is private anymore. When I met Sri, I wasn't on Orkut and hadn't heard of Facebook. But these days even though youngsters are subjected to arranged marriages, you can find their profile here or there. And most are public with their friends posting their photos (which can be awkward or embarrassing) or revealing messages. You can even see if you have common friends and find out more. It might be actually good when it comes to potential partners, but I kinda feel that it may lead to judging that person before actually meeting him/her which can sometimes be harmful, when all that he/she has been upto is harmless fun. Its like they cannot catch a break ;-).

I have realized that moms are the same every where :). The languages are different, sometimes even the generations are different, but the concern, care and the attitudes regarding the children are the same (of course there are extreme exceptions to this). The librarian of the library I take Snugli to daily said this to me the other day - "Sometimes when Snugli gets too excited, I have heard you say things to her. Half the time I don't understand what you say to her, but I know the voice. Its the mom voice" :-D. I have also heard moms here speaking to their kids and admonishing them when they touch certain things or do certain things, and hug them when they hurt just like I'd with Snugli :). Its a great feeling of comradeship :).

I have realized that no matter how much you try to convince them, some people living in India believe that living in the US means making loads of money. Though we do earn in dollars, these very same people seem to forget that we also spend in dollars. I know there are probably many people residing in the US who are actually here for that very purpose of making money. But sometimes the people in India just don't understand about not generalizing. Yes, personally speaking, we do have some savings. But our main purpose of being here is family life - Sri gets to be around us everyday, certainly more than a regular software engineer in India (this is what makes me okay with the fact that I don't really have a career these days). He doesn't have to leave early in the morning or stay very late in the evenings or work on weekends. In fact he comes home for lunch. I have seen some cousins/friends in India with zero family life and am grateful to have this while we do. Plus we travel a lot and go to India atleast once every 1.5 years (and carry gifts for everyone around) which doesn't come free. The only way we'll make money is if we win a lottery :-p.

I have realized that a person is as busy as he/she wants to be. Though I don't work, as a mom, I'm pretty busy. But I try and make it a point to blog, put up pictures, make calls, mail friends, wish people on their happy days whenever possible. Its not that I have time to spare, but I make the time, because I don't want to get lost in my day-to-day life. I have always thought that I shouldn't be like others, even though they might not keep me updated with everything, I have always tried to keep them in touch. But recently I have been getting very much irritated at friends/relatives who just don't reciprocate. When I put in the effort of uploading 100s of snaps and writing captions for them, atleast reply and let me know you have seen them, dammit! I know I make sure to keep you updated, but it would be nice to receive a "Hi, how are you?", just a single line mail from you. I am tired of hearing excuses of "Oh I'm too busy". How can anyone be busy to reply a single line or like a photo I put up, I'll never understand. Just how long does it take to type a single line comment? As a friend/relative, can't you spare a few seconds out of your life for me? People with kids keep telling me that they show Snugli's photos to their kids as if thats a consolation. Don't you get it that while you all know Snugli, Snugli doesn't know anyone of you because you don't bother to keep us updated?

I have realized that I'm using this post to clear out a few cob-webs in my head that have been bothering me recently and I'm certainly glad to have ;-) :-D.

Snoogli bear, off to school!

Have a load of posts to shed ;-), but somehow time keeps slipping away from me, like this quote I heard recently -

"Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug." - John Lithgow.

One of the huggggge reasons for me not being aware of the time is that we finally started sending Snugli to a daycare/school since about 3 weeks back. Its more of a daycare than a school, I'm planning to search for a proper pre-school once she completes 3. Right now she is going thrice a week for only 3 hours each day. But the hours are from 8 AM to 11 AM and hence its been pretty bad for me as such. We changed our schedule to fit in with her school needs a week earlier - so we finish breakfast and all our baths by 8AM. Her school's lunch timings are 11 AM to 12 PM, so incase we plan to put her there for the entire day, we are also having lunch at 11:30 AM now. Which is all well and good except for the fact that my mornings are hectic to say the least. Yes I do get time for myself when she is away, but half of the time goes in cooking. And the morning work takes such a toll that all I want to do in the noon is lie down. I hope that as I get adjusted to the routine, things will be a lot better :).

Sending her to school hasn't been easy, it was pretty bad the first 2 weeks. Now she has adjusted to it, so things are a lot more smoother. So as I was saying, Monday August 16th 2010 turned out to be her 1st day of school :). The obsessive parents we are, we both went to drop her off at 8AM. She said bye and everything was fine till about 10 AM when her teacher tried taking her to potty and it somehow triggered something off (maybe because she isn't used to going with anyone other than us). She started crying for us and didn't stop until I got there (the place is just 5 min away from home). At first she just wanted to get out of there, but later she slowly confesses that "School chennagithu" ("School was nice") :-D.

Yet, the 2nd day, the hesitation started at the school door itself. She wouldn't let me say bye to her, so I had to sit in her class for half an hour (each time I got up to say bye, she'd come running and tell me - "Lets go" :-D). Then finally I convinced her that I had work to do and had to go. She did say bye, but later the teacher told me that she cried for me for a while and then forgot all about it. She did stay for the entire 3 hours that day (though she didn't go to potty :-D) which was certainly an improvement.

The 3rd day was the worse. She started crying while taking her bath and wouldn't stop. We tried not reminding her of the school, but she'd remember and tear up. Her big eyes would fill up with tears and her lips would start trembling. God, it was a struggle from bathing to feeding her breakfast. I stayed in the class again for a while, then got out. While I was signing out, she opened the door of her classroom and was bawling her heart out. I felt very bad leaving her when she was crying like that :(. I was totally upset the entire 3 hours and was wondering whether sending her at 2.5 years was even the right thing to do, basically second-guessing the decision. But guess what I find when I go back to pick her up? She was playing happily and her teacher said that she was fine just after 5 min (while I was stewing away at home :-p). She was even taken to the park to play and the children had a wonderful time playing with bubbles! That was it, I asked Sri to drop her off from then on (her school is on his way to office) :-D.

The 2nd week, once she started going with Sri, there was a 5 min crying period just before he left her there, but it was a lot better. On the 2nd week, 3rd day she had a cough and so we didn't send her to school. Despite Sri's protests, I told her that she wasn't going to school because she wasn't well. Come this week Monday, I tell her she has to go to school and guess what? She coughs dramatically (like the overacting old men in our old Hindi movies :-D) and says in a pretend-tight-throat voice -

"Cough bartha ide. School beda" ("I have cough, so no school")

My God! How fast they learn :-D. Sometimes she is so brilliant that I wonder whether all 2.5 year olds are this smart :-D. Anyways things have been a lot better this week, she even went to the restroom in the school with the help of a teacher. As for me, I somehow miss her quite a bit when she's not around. I keep listening for the sound of her anklets behind me and find myself wondering what she's doing (well, she misses me too as evident by the tight hugs she bestows upon me after coming home :-D). A part of me is obviously proud of her for adjusting so well so soon, but another part is saddened by the fact that I'm back to being alone (I've hardly been alone at home after Snugli came into our lives). I know I know that its only for a few hours, but well, there's no convincing the heart right? :).

Anyways, I have a camping trip post coming up (its been 2 weeks already since we went) and then we are out on another of our long drive trips for the long weekend. Lots and lots to write and don't know when I'll get to it. For the umpteenth time, where's a mind-reading blogger when you need one? :-p.

Vanity, Thy name is Woman :).

Well, the actual quote by Shakespeare is "Frailty, Thy name is woman" (in Hamlet), but Vanity has taken over even the quote in common usage :-D. I have always put my absolute faith in the common usage quote :-D, mainly because I have no illusions about myself. I mean we women dedicate ourselves to threading eyebrows, waxing arms and legs most of the times, or in general torturing ourselves all in the name of our vanity :-D. Jerry Seinfeld says it best :-D.

I will never understand how a woman can take boiling hot wax, pour it on her upper thighs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider - Jerry Seinfeld.

I love Jerry and this is my most favourite quote of them all (I'm not afraid of spiders or anything that crawls btw :-D) :). But I never thought how our vanities matter in our day-to-day lives until the incident (is that ominous enough? :-D).

I wanted to write this post on July 10th commemorating the 5th month anniversary of my fainting incident. But well, I am writing it now :-p. As you read then, I had/have a sense of humour about it, as long as I was at home and not facing any crowds. As soon as I had to get out of the house, the anxiety would start. I had a blatant scar on my forehead and a very noticeable lump and scar above my upper lip. So I would obsess that everyone would notice it (I know I'm not queen Cleopatra, to turn everyone's heads, hehehee, but sometimes my imagination runs wild :-D). I would wonder what anyone might think about it. In fact, things were so bad the first month that I hardly ever got out of home.




This is the only photo I have of me during that first month. It was taken on Sri's birthday, i.e 18 days after the incident. Atleast it was winter then, so whenever I did go out, I wore a wintercap which covered my forehead (I couldn't do anything for the scar above my upper lip). I have photos of Sri and me hung over the walls and sometimes, I wouldn't even be able to look at them without feeling sad and angry. I wouldn't accept invites from any acquaintances we have here, because I didn't want to narrate the entire story to them..

Sri was completely supportive and my parents were literally trying to knock some sense into me. Mom would recount stories of worse accidents (women who lost their teeth in accident and had major surgeries) and somehow though I understood everything, I simply couldn't help it. Dad was like, people have their own concerns and why would they be concerned with you. It'd always make me laugh, but again I would regress. Maybe it was some form of depression. I mean I have had accidents before, but having something on your face is different from anything else. To this day I don't know why.

I would apply vitamin E oil to it twice or thrice a day plus some other ayurvedic ointment at night (kumkumadi thaila) - both are supposed to help with scars. Slowly things started changing, but not because the scars started fading or anything like that. But because I would make myself go out - thats when I started taking Snugli to the library. I used to apply a thin coat of make-up to hide the scars, but if you stared right at my face, the scars would still be visible (I used to joke to my close friends that I have never applied make-up all my life and now I am becoming an expert at it :-D). And I got back to swimming, making it a point not to apply makeup for that :-D. I did catch up with people I knew when I went swimming, I'd see some questions in their eyes, but they were too polite to ask about it :). About 2 months later, I'd even go to the park nearby without make-up.

Today, 5 months later I still apply some compact powder before I go out, but thats about it. The scars have faded a lot, but the areas are still a tiny bit sore. There was a lump on the area above my upper lip which was pretty bad and which I worried about, now the soreness is gone and the size of the lump has reduced a lot. The scar there is hardly visible (unless you look at it too closely). The forehead scar is a horizontal 'Y' and it is visible. But the main thing is they are not on my mind all the time as it was then. I don't bother about them at all now. Guess I just needed time..




I took this photo today (no makeup whatsoever :-D, the thing on my chin is a pimple :-p - vanity strikes again :-D). On a side note, this was another photography experiment - getting the feel of portraits by taking self-portraits first :).

As I said, I still don't know why I was so bothered about it. Maybe I was afraid that people judged me by looks and hence would not even try to get to know me, the person inside. Or maybe I am shallow when it comes to certain things. Or maybe I felt like I lost a part of me forever. Or maybe I was just insecure and wondering whether people who loved me would continue to love me despite this (meaning I was being an idiot :-D). Well, I have been proved wrong in many of these already and as I said sometime back, I am me no matter what happens :). Like Aamir says in Dil Chahtha hai, "Perfection cannot be improved", hehehehee :)).

The quote!

Received this in a forward today and had to share it :))).

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.

Hehehehe :)).