Some people..

have an inherent talent of pissing others off. Its even more irritating that they aren't even aware of this exceptional talent :-p.

The audacity!

Some people are so full of themselves! (Another huge rant in progress, consider yourself warned :-p)

Today morning I get this message from a person saying "don't u answer u'r freinds e mails". Now this person was my best friend in childhood and we have been touch for many years thanks to my efforts and absolutely no thanks to her (my calling her "person" instead of "friend" shows you how angry I am). We lost touch a couple of years back thanks to her constant changing of phone numbers. No, I can't even say we lost touch because I have her email and kept mailing her on her special days - her birthday, anniversary, her kids' birthdays and so on. And she never replied a single thanks. Plus I have told you how fond I am of sending photos to friends and relatives once or several times a month (:-p), she is in my mailing list and again, she never ever, not once, got back on whether she even saw the photos.

Out of the blue last week, I get a message from her giving her yet-another-changed-phone-number and asking me for my contact details (this is despite the fact that my phone numbers haven't changed since 6 years, from the time I came to US). Thanks to a 1.5 month old that was born to me and that I'm quite busy caring for (which again I had informed her through a mail), I haven't been able to keep up with all the communication. So I didn't, make that couldn't, reply. And I get this message from her today! I am so outraged, just what do people think of themselves? And how much do they expect of me? The more I do, the more I'm expected to do.

There have been many days in the past when I've gotten sick and tired of the whole thing and think I'll just quit putting in the effort. This is one of those days. But then again, I take a deep breath, tell myself that just because some people are atrocious, it doesn't mean that I should give up what I am and then make the effort again to keep in touch. But seriously, this was like I was literally stabbed with a long sharp knife. I wrote a blistering reply to her and being the goody-two-shoes that I am, I should have regretted it by now, but I haven't. One big part of me is very very very angry with her while another small part of me is actually sad - it feels like I have literally lost a friend. Or maybe I lost her years ago, have been deluding myself all these years with my puny efforts and am realizing it only now :(. How dumb I must be!

Update: She replied saying that she was busy with her household and kids for all this time and that she took liberties with me as she was "eager" to get back in touch with me. Oh well, I didn't know "eagerness" can translate to years and you know me, I am a free spirit without households and kids :-p. Anyways, enough of this subject, lets move on :).

The unoriginals!

Whats with Indian music directors these days? I'm so sick and tired of listening to old songs remixed and changed these days. Yeah there were remixes earlier in pop albums, but you didn't really have to listen to them unless you wanted to. These days the songs are in the movies and whenever I watch one, I end up being really mad. Is coming up with an original tune so difficult?

I especially become angry when I hear a favourite tune all jumbled up and made weird by these weirdos. The last straw was hearing "Ravivarmana kunchada" (originally sung by the great PB Srinivas) made all so-called modern (meaning destroyed) in the movie Buddhivantha (I know I'm late in pointing this out but bear with me since I caught up with the movie only now). If you can't come up with something nice, atleast please stop spoiling what was good. Is there no thing called copyright for these things?

Saas bahu oh no!

One of Sri's technological projects as of now, is getting Indian cable channels here in the US over the internet without paying the outrageous dollar prices they charge here for the packages. Since I have never been really into it so far, you'll have to head to his blog for the technical details :-p. But what basically it is, is a kind of modem that connects to the Tata Sky modem in India and relays the transmission over the internet. The best part is that it can be accessed from anywhere as long as there is an internet connection - on a laptop, desktop or even the iPhone, the limit being that it can be accessed only once (once the player is switched on on any device, it can't be accessed from any other). There are still kinks being ironed out but its been working great so far and I'm impressed :).

Anyways the whole thing started because my parents were heading here and believe me when I say mom loves having it :). But you know the equation when it comes to moms,

Mom + Indian TV = Saas-bahu serials.

I have completely stopped seeing any of them since the time I moved to the US (I can download the episodes off the net, but have never had the slightest inclination to :-p) and I guess my aversion has turned into something of a drastic nature. A couple of the serials mom is into have been bearable so far, but mom wanted to watch this new serial that started recently called "Sasural Simar ka". Well, one day I ended up watching half an hour of it and I'm pretty sure thats the reason half of my hair is gone (I must have torn them out of sheer frustration :-p). From the silly plot to the constant focusing on faces, from the over-dramatized dialogues to the over acting, man, was it pure torture! I wonder whether this can be classified under enhanced interrogation techniques and whether hard-core criminals can be subjected to it. I'm sure they'll give up all kinds of information in just under 5 minutes :-p. And I wonder who comes up with the ideas for such serials, such people should be subjected to non-stop marathons of their own idiotic serials!

Anyways, I have decided to turn and walk out of the room if I ever even see a glimpse of this serial again. Thats the only way for my poor remaining hair to survive :-D.

A blogger's best friend..

Thats what my blog has become in 6 years to me. Thats right, today is exactly 6 years since I started writing my blog. That certainly means that there have been atleast 6 posts including this one, talking about how much my blog has come to mean to me. Good excuse to write a post at the least :-D.

Seriously though, I cannot believe that I'm still writing. I mean, ideally I did think and do think that I will be writing all my life, but the situations in life don't really give you that kind of a comfort level or that kind of a time. I've seen blogs and the associated bloggers disappear without a word suddenly because of life pressures and I don't really blame them. When I had Snugli, there were many points in time when I did wonder whether I was 'neglecting' her by dedicating a bit of time to my activities (especially blogging). But there's my duties as a mother to her, as a wife to my husband, as a daughter to my parents and then there is a duty to myself. To do the things I love to do :).

And I do love to write. The posts have been slow for the past couple of months, due to the little one that I'm carrying. Call it fatigue or maybe laziness, but to be honest, I don't mean to give up on the blog yet. Have no idea how tough it'll be after the delivery, but right now, I plan to make some time somehow :). So hopefully there will be a post next year celebrating the 7th birthday of the blog if it goes as well as it is going right now. And to add, I don't really have that many commentators pestering me to write, so that must prove that this is purely for myself and few of my family/friends who are regular visitors :).

Another hindrance to blogging is the evolution of day-to-day social networks like twitter and facebook. I'm still not on twitter, thank God (cannot afford to update yet another one), but I am on facebook and I have to admit that its easier to put up daily thoughts there, than create a post for it on the blog. Obviously there is no detail-oriented stuff as it is here in this blog, but its good for a quick quote or a quick link pointing to a news I thought was interesting. Yet for me personally, that can never take the place of this blog - even though for some people apparently it does. I have seen people update 10-20 status messages per day, upload irritating photos of what they cook daily or see daily or do every second of every minute of every hour of every day and people updating the damn thing when they are attending weddings (right now while attending someone else's wedding, but I'm sure the day will come when they'll be updating during their own as well :-p), or watching cricket or doing anything. And everytime I see this I feel like shouting at them to stop and to enjoy what's happening in actuality rather than striving to keep strangers "updated" (sadly some even consider strangers as very good friends :-p). But oh well, its their life, their choices.

Anyways, a very happy 6th birthday to my beloved blog. Hope you continue to exist as long as I do :).

Up in the air..

Thoughts in my head as we crossed the proverbial seven seas to be back home for a month's vacation:

• How come the increase in the number of suitcases is never proportional to increase in satisfaction? This time Snugli has a ticket and hence an allotment of 2 extra luggage, but still we managed to take the maximum number. Wonder how we managed with only 4 large ones earlier? :-p.


• The guy had to go and try this just before we were about to travel (yeah, I know I should be glad that he didn't try it in our plane :-p) and thanks to him, the security rules, previously indecipherable are now even more confusing, 'cause we don't know what rule an airport chooses to follow anymore. So we went in literally at 7AM for a 10:30AM flight. Thankfully there weren't many people so we were able to be done with the security check pretty fast. That was the good part, the bad - we not only went through one of the checks in Lexington, but had to go through 2 more in our stopover at Frankfurt, Germany!! Now that was loads of fun with a toddler :-p.


• Why are stopovers feeling like fitness tests these days? The terminal to terminal walk at Chicago took over 30 min and the one at Frankfurt was atleast 45 min (please excuse double security checks :-p). We did not carry Snugli's stroller with us, but the poor thing walked with us without any complaints. That almost took away our frustrations :).


• I know I have ranted about this many times, but this is a humble (Bah!) request to airlines. Please think of moms with babies when you are planning a toilet on a plane. Why don't you try this? Carry a screaming toddler into a current plane toilet and help them do their thing and see how comfy the whole experience is. To Snugli's defense, she was scared by the whooshing sound made by the toilet flush and so to quieten her, I had to sing her favourite song ("Aankhon me teri" from Om Shanthi Om) pretty loud (probably all the passengers on the plane can vouch for that :-p). To her credit, the flush didn't really dissuade her from saying "Pee Potty" whenever she had to go and I am so proud of her :).


• Deepthi's theorem of toddlers on a plane - "When more than 2 babies are screaming their head off on a plane, the one baby who is the least heard is automatically termed the most well-behaved" :-D. Yup, Snugli did make a fuss now and then, but she certainly wasn't audible among the other howling ones. So I got compliments on how polite and beautifully behaved she was! Hehehehee :)).


• I have one good thing to say about Lufthansa's food - the rice was soft and the gravy had veggies which Snugli enjoyed. Sadly, as usual, the gravies had the same tastes though made of different veggies. I was glad nevertheless, as I didn't carry anything for Snugli as I heard that people who carried curd rice for their babies were mercilessly asked to dispose them off :(. Shaabaash security wale, no wonder, when you are busy securing baby foods, actual threats are going inside the planes :-p. Anyways Snugli even ate a couple of fruit pieces and I was basically satisfied about her stomach :-D.


• I couldn't see a single shop of Frankfurt as they pushed us into the farthest corner of the airport to catch the plane to Hyderabad locking us in with a security check :((. I thought I'll atleast look at a few German chocolates, well, maybe I have to thank them for the reduction of a few calories :-p. Whats with these European airports and them allotting not even an aero-bridge to planes heading towards India? I mean do they even realize how inconvenient this is for parents with young children? In case of aero-bridges, we get preference and are able to put away the luggage (and the children :-D) before others head our way. With a bus and a staircase, imagine the wonderful organizational possibilities :-p. I have noticed this with Air France last time and Lufthansa this time. Maybe since the planes are filled with more than 90% of Indians, the authorities wash their hands off organization :-p. How convenient for them :-p.


• In this whole story, I had only 2 hours of sleep, which also meant that I got to watch 4 movies on the plane! I saw Up, Harry Potter and the Half blood prince, Julie and Julia and 500 days of summer, interlaced with Snugli stuff :-D.


• About 5 minutes to landing in Hyderabad, I started telling Snugli about how she'll soon meet her grandparents, uncle and aunt in about 5 minutes time and this 5 min stretched to about 2 hours thanks to late luggage arrival and customs check as a bonus :-p (paapa, I kept telling her 5 min, 5 min at every point :-p). We didn't see even a single luggage of ours for more than half an hour, our only solace being that we were not the only bakras - almost 3/4th of the plane was still waiting with us :-p. When we finally got outside after the big fuss, it was a huggggggggge get-together :-D. Snugli, though at first bewildered by the entire herd :-D, soon went to everyone with wide open arms recognizing each person :). Sri and I felt for the first time that our efforts of connecting online through video calls every weekend with both side parents were finally appreciated and rewarded :-D.


• Jet lag, what jet lag? We faced almost negligible lag and what little lag that Snugli had, was blown to smithereens by the now-famous Teletubbies :-D.


• Just one important note to parents travelling with infants - Sri was sitting next to this guy who had a horrendous experience. It seems he bought a ticket for his infant, but didn't get an e-ticket mentioning the infant, though the baby was mentioned in the itinerary. The airline people refused to allow the baby inside, since there was no way to generate a boarding pass for the baby without an e-ticket!! The connecting airline gave him 2 options, the 1st being they'd allow him (with wife and baby) to fly till Chicago, but could not guarantee that Lufthansa would do the same (in case they didn't, he'd have to go out to ticketing and buy a fresh ticket in Chicago which might take a long time) or the 2nd option being he could buy a ticket for the infant with them at the current price which was $1000!! Not wanting to take a risk, he went for the 2nd option thinking he will sort the troubles with his agent. So if you are travelling with a baby, please make sure you have an e-ticket in the baby's name too!!

Right now, the hot lingo in town is Snugli's lingo :-D. Everyone is talking and walking Snugli :-D, so she's fully enjoying the pampering.

Thought Train choo choo :-D

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Today is Balipadyami, so you know what that means :). 5 years ago on Balipadyami day, I met Sri, so today is our thithi-prakaara-day-we-met anniversary :-D. I still have difficult believing it happened 5 years ago and we have been through so many things. I know its a cliche`, but it really feels like it was yesterday. I still remember so clearly the first time I saw him. Touch wood, there has never been a dull moment so far and it feels like its still beginning. If you think of it, it is the beginning. After all we have only been together a small number of years compared to the rest of our lives ;-). And there's so much to see and so much more to do :). Looking forward to the rest best days of our lives :).

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We did make it to the temple on Naraka Chaturdashi day and the fireworks though late was wonderful. This time they even distributed packets of sparklers to kids (actually the thing was a cross between a sparkler and a pencil :-p) and Sri got a packet for Snugli. She really enjoyed the whole hullabaloo, though she was a bit startled by the first rocket :-D. I even made her hold a sparkler-pencil and she waved it around. They even had some flower pots and she cheered at it all :-D. It was still way too cold, but she seemed fine until midnight when I felt her burning up. She had a slight fever all day yesterday, which went high yesterday evening, but has been okay today though a bit fussy. So we are not too worried. The best part is that whenever we ask her what we saw in the temple, she says "Thaami" (for swaami, God) and when we ask, what she saw outside, she says "Palaaki" (for Pataki, crackers) and when we ask how was the pataki, she says "Shooper" (for super, ofcourse :-D). Her memory is growing stronger day by day, so its fun to see her remember things from days/weeks ago and say it :-D. More instances of that in some other post..

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Most of the times when I carry my camera with me, I feel that rather than enjoy that particular moment, I am always intent on capturing it for the future. There are many a times I have actually missed seeing the event as such just because my eyes are behind the camera. But the irony is that whenever I don't carry the camera with me, I always end up regretting it. The firework celebration was such an instance. Snugli with the sparkler would have been a deserving photo, but well, I was there, without the camera actually enjoying her expressions. Later I wished I had captured the first time she held a sparkler :-p. There always has to be one or the other complaint, otherwise life isn't fun, I guess :-D..

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Have you ever stood in total darkness? Its the few moments before your eyes get adjusted to the darkness and start "seeing" the dark outlines of all objects. I find myself closing my eyes just to find my way. Its as if the totality of the darkness is too distracting/confusing and closing my eyes helps in remembering/clearing where everything is! Closing my eyes actually helps me see :-D.

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One of the things I kinda love is feeling cold cold air on my skin after a sweaty workout. Its almost as if the sweat drops are subjected to instant freeze :-D. And its somehow refreshing. The contrast of feelings is kinda amazing - just a few moments ago, its terribly hot and you can't wait to finish the workout and suddenly you are feeling extreme opposite temperatures! Ofcourse this is just the beginning of winter, so its alright. I am still not crazy enough to subject myself to such a drastic temperature change once true winter sets in :-D.

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I have a very active imagination. When I was young I used to dream about travelling to a different planet, one with a huge-gigantic-tremendous (I mean very very very big here) crystal palace, hence named Sphatika and living there :-D. Well, even now whenever I feel bored doing something, I imagine I'm doing it in a very interesting way. For example, if I'm finding cooking tedious, then I am on the food network presenting an Indian vegetarian cooking show :-D. Or if I'm bored of driving then either I'm a spy being chased by "every" car behind me or am chasing the car in front :-D. Or when I'm exercizing sometimes, I'm suddenly in a dance competition, dancing for my life :-D. Sadly, I still haven't discovered any cure for cleaning the house :-p.

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Wanted to add just another thing before I forget. One thing I always tell people is that I was a "koopa manduka" before I left India to come live in the US. To me, "koopa manduka" implies being stuck in your comfort zone. I can't even describe the feeling you get when you see other parts of the world which have nothing to do with yours and see that there are so many different thoughts of progress be it in religion, be it in day-to-day habits, or be it in anything :-p. It like being confronted with a different set of reality. I always thought that a person learns a lot just by living in another country. But lately I have realized that a person can be a "koopa manduka" whereever she/he is. No matter how modern they are or how forward thinking they may pretend to be, some people just don't venture out of their comfort zones to take it as an opportunity to learn. One simple example - we know of a family living here in the US for about 10 years now and both the husband and the wife don't know where cities like Seattle and Boston are in the US! And they are probably 1/2 or 3/4th on the way to a US citizenship! I can't pretend I know everything, and I don't know several cities in the central US, in fact before I came to US, I have to confess that I honestly didn't know that New York and San Francisco were on opposite coasts and had thousands of miles distance between them :-D. But this is like living in India for 10 years and not knowing where Calcutta or Hyderabad is! Well, sadly they might not even know that, I haven't bothered to find out :-p.

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Finally nothing, I repeat nothing, bonds 2 women like the topic of "how their tummies never seem to lessen despite working out and how their husbands' never seem to increase despite not working out" (yeah both the women conveniently forget the part about how they gulum chocolates without counting and their hubbies don't :-D, hehehee). This is one topic that is age/caste/country no bar :-D. If you have nothing to talk about with a woman, then here is THE topic to go about making a friend :-D. Well, as you can guess, I had this conversation with one woman in my group exercize class and you can't imagine the perfect look of understanding that passed between us :-D. And yup she is a 30-odd year old Catholic from Costa Rica :).

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The tweet..

One thing I have never done after I have started blogging is write a short post :-p. Usually once I start writing its like I don't have control over the post's size. I guess its because I love being elaborate and all that. But these days, there are so many thoughts running through my head and I don't really have the time/patience to write mile-long posts on them :-D. What happens is that I totally forget the idea that I had or even if I don't forget, it'll be on my mind for days, yet I wouldn't have written anything about it. So I've decided, not to switch over to Twitter (I can't really handle updating another thing when I am already lagging behind in updating so many :-p), but put up short posts labelling "Tweets". The size will not be limited (now I can't do that, can I? :-D) but the post will be much shorter than my usual. Please don't worry that someone has hacked into my account if you see several posts on one day :-D.

Let me start off with one rant. Whats with friends who invite you to other social networks? I mean I'm on Orkut dammit. I take pains to keep my profile updated, upload pictures and keep in touch with you. You hardly ever scrap me, don't put up (m)any photos, don't wish on my birthday, don't even see my photos and you want to be my friend on Yaari? Why, for heaven's sake? I don't get you, pal! Please spare this already-troubled poor soul :-p.

A change in need is a change indeed..

Sometime ago, one of my friends wrote about change. It was about how we need to adapt ourselves to changes happening around us. But thats not the change I want to write about. And no, I'm not referring to change as in money either :-\. The change that I want to talk about is the change we undergo each day, the personal change in our beliefs, in our behaviour, in our activities depending on things that influence us.

As we grow up, we undergo many a change. A person might declare that she/he hasn't changed at all. But we all know that cannot be true. As kids, we are immature, we do not understand anything. But as we grow into adults, we start understanding many a thing, we start undergoing a major change - finding a point of view about the world, about everything in general and some things in particular. Adolescence is the part of life when we are most susceptible to change. I'm not talking about good/bad change here. Its where we each learn whats good/bad for us (your good might not be mine yet). But as we grow into adults, we almost get molded into a fixed point of view.

One situation is that a person is living with others and is open to change. Then there is a chance for argument and changing personal views if she/he thinks what the other person says is right. This is true in many marriages. Each person gets influenced by the other and hence grows up to some extent. As partners, they each learn to make adjustments which are not exactly compromises, but mutual agreements to keep things running smoothly. Usually the changes that happen are good - both the spouses learn to fine-tune their behaviour to make things better, if not ideal. This is mutually advantageous and generally leads to a higher level of compatibility and understanding.

Another situation is when a person changes too much to please others. She/he gets influenced too much which in turn leads to loss of individuality and dependence on others for each and every decision. Its as if they don't have an opinion of their own. Simple decisions become complicated and lead to discord, if not in others, in the person itself. And it gets worse when they want to do something which does not meet the approval of others (I don't mean bad habits or any wrongdoings here, but simple things like buying a cloth for oneself). They have to make excuses for the very same things they love doing and once did without any objections. The suffering becomes one-sided and that too because the person didn't have the strength or wasn't allowed to voice out her/his opinions in the beginning. This may or may not be in a marriage as such. The point is that too much of a change is also not good.

And then there are some, who are not willing to change whether they live with others or are completely alone. These people become set in their ways and start to think that they are always right. They want everything, everyone in the house behaving the way they want, despite daily seeing what the others are going through, the struggles. In the beginning there might be some opposition from others, but when the person does not heed their words, they gradually stop trying to change the person. Hence these kind of people become used to getting what they want and doing what they want, when they want. If such people live alone, then its natural for them to be unwilling to any kind of change. The problem occurs when these people come into contact with others, they try to implement their will in others' lives and end up hurting others as well as themselves. But the situation is worse if it is in a marriage, then it so happens that the compromise is only from one person while the other person is not making adjustments of any sort at all. There are troubles brewing where they shouldn't and there might even be some suppressed wants and feelings which might be boiling beneath the surface waiting to explode anytime. It is a bit better if its more of a I-do-my-thing-while-you-do-yours attitude i.e live and let live policy, but thats not usually the case.

I know this is a strange topic to suddenly crop up from nowhere. All the people in our lives fit into one of these categories. Thankfully most people in my world are in the first one, but there are a few littered in the second and third categories. But as an onlooker, I end up feeling helpless and desperate, not able to help/interfere in such people's lives. And "helpless and desperate" is not a good feeling. Whats worse is that sometimes such things happening in others' lives may somehow end up affecting ours and end up hurting us or hurting a person close to us. We just have to console ourselves and move on. There's no way we can help/change a person unless that person genuinely wants to change. And thats the trouble isn't it? We all want the world to be according to our view and what we don't realize is:

It takes all sorts to make a world - a proverb.

On the same note, I wanted to put this video here. Its one of my favourite songs and has one of the most haunting melodies. Its called "Mad World" by Gary Jules.

Thanks to YouTube and user orijimi for the video.

The lyrics aren't anything great, but I do love this part..

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take.
When people run in circles,
Its a very very...

Mad world..
Mad world..

For better or worse..

Its a story of how something was defined as nothing which later was declared as the worst possible thing. Its a story of how simple things become complicated, how even the a least mount of negligence can return to strangle your neck. Its the story of how admiration for a nation's system can with a little pressure change into disgust. Its a story of how this birthday became the worst birthday I ever had. More than all of these, its a story of the perils of parenthood..

Half of the things I wrote in my birthday post were true. I didn't really feel like celebrating my birthday this time. Mainly because Snugli was ill with a slight fever since Tuesday evening. Since it was slight, she couldn't even be given fever reducing drops, so comfort was all I could give her. On my birthday she started coughing a dry cough. I called up her Pediatrician's office only to be told by a nurse that its a common cold and not really to worry. I was giving her steam as prescribed (by switching on hot shower in the bathroom, not putting on the exhaust and closing the door with her with me inside) and had a humidifier switched on in the room to moisturize the air.

We didn't really know why she was ill - she is teething (her lower 2 front teeth have come out :-D), that may have been the reason or we had gone to Niagara Falls over the weekend, so the travel may have been the cause. That is one of the big problems in parenthood. You never know the reason for the suffering of your child and half the time you end up blaming yourself. I didn't know if it was anything I fed her, or maybe it was because I didn't keep her warm enough, or maybe she was chewing on something she isn't supposed to be chewing on and I didn't notice it. You can see the pattern :-\. No matter what she does, I feel that I'm to blame. She has started to crawl on her stomach these days and since she's teething, she just goes after what she wants and chews on it :-\.

Anyways coming back to the story, on my birthday night the cough got worse. It started deepening as if full of phlegm and she started becoming restless. Friday morning, I felt half ill, since I had her with me in bed for the night and I was up for half the night with her. I tried steaming again to no avail. Her breathing was raspy and even sounded like wheezing to Sri. So he called up the pediatrician's office again only to be told again that wheezing was normal in cold and we'd be given an appointment only if we insisted. And we did insist.

As the day progressed, Snugli got worse. After about 10 AM she was crying continuously as if she was in constant discomfort. You'd be too if you couldn't breathe. Her breathing was more rapid and she started to refuse food altogether. This was the point when I started panicking. The appointment was in the noon, so that was when we headed to the doc's office. And thats where things started happening really fast. The doc decided that her breathing was too fast (duh!!) and that she needed some breathing treatment and some chest X-rays to be taken. As soon as the breathing treatment (which was a vapourizer) was applied, there was a visible relief (her breathing eased down and she was able to fall asleep in an instant). The oxygen content in her blood was still low but it increased with the breathing.

The Xrays came back and the doctor declared that there was no pneumonia, but he was still worried about her rapid breathing, so he wanted her admitted to a hospital. Since she needed the breathing treatment + oxygen, he suggested that we take her in an emergency vehicle and not in our car. So I was strapped to a seat with the baby in my arms, holding the oxygen + vapourizer mask to her face and was lifted (!!!) to the ambulance while Sri came in our car. I always wanted to ride an emergency vehicle here but in this case, my mind kept screaming "not like this". My poor baby was glued with electrodes to measure her heart-beat and breathing rate. And it was practically painful for me to watch. Its very difficult to hold the tiny body and contain yourself from not crying when you know she's not alright. Ofcourse I cried. But I was glad that we were able to reach the hospital fast (I even saw a car climbing a divider to let us through!).

We were taken to one of the sections of the emergency room of UK Chandler hospital. Here we were surrounded by more than 10 people. Some of them were trying to glue electrodes on (the earlier ambulance ones were removed), some were asking questions and still others were wondering whether it was a seizure!! Give me a break! What was miserable was that once the electrodes were attached the machine didn't work, they replaced the electrodes and it still didn't work, then they had to replace the machine (This happened later in the normal ward too! Still later Sri was telling me how this could practially lead to the death of a person really in emergency :-\!!). Moreover, I was asked all sorts of questions about her history (Was she premature "No", Did she have any such breathing problems earlier "No", Has she been hospitalized before "No, except for jaundice", Is she allergic "No" and a 100 more) again, again and again. Yeah there were apologies each time but c'mon! Also, they took her X-rays again despite the fact that we had the earlier ones with us. Maybe they didn't trust our pediatrician office :-p. All of these was not really hard for me to do, but what was hard was the fact that they kept gluing things on to my baby and pulling them off despite my baby's crying (yeah I know that they see 100s of babies daily and this might be common for them, but they should realize that its not so common for us).

After it was determined that there was no emergency as such we were moved into a room in the emergency floor itself. A nurse came in and talked to us about how she needs an IV, since she's not feeding and also that she has been prescribed a dose of steroids. We were fine with the IV but not with the steroids. But no doctor came to tell us why it was required (only later when they made round, they told us that it'll not really have that many side-effects and not to worry). When I made half-hearted noises about the steroids, the nurse went, came back and told us that it was what the doctors had asked her to do and we could take it or leave it! Since we didn't really want to risk it, we said ok.

Then the nightmare began. The nurse with the help of another stuck a needle to one arm of Snugli. She probed it here and there (!!) saying she just now had the vein and lost it. Then they tried sticking her on the back of her right palm. When that didn't work either they pricked her on her right foot. It didn't work and they gave a reason saying "since she is dehydrated, her veins are blowing the needle off". So they called another "child expert" who tried pricking her left foot. That didn't work out either and when the nurse finally tried Snugli's left arm, she was able to prick the vein there. The other nurses actually clapped and congratulated her on this particular feat! Needless to say, Snugli was crying all the time, but I couldn't bear the scene either and was constantly in tears. I was so furious with the whole act as such, I mean why couldn't the "expert" be called earlier? They had already pierced her once in the ambulance, so they actually pricked her 6 times! One of the nurses kept apologizing, but lady, apologies don't really help when you are seeing your already-in-pain child made to suffer! What irked me more was the fact that one of the nurses was trying to cheer me up, kept on trying to make jokes about the whole thing and kept on winking. Oh for heaven's sake!!

The only saving grace, if it can be called that, was the fact that when 5 nurses were surrounding Snugli to get the needle in her, she looked at me with sorrowful eyes and actually called me "Amma" for the very first time. Which promptly reduced me to tears again..

Then that night finally one of the doctors came in and reasked the set of initial questions (I am going to use a short form of this since we were asked these still a couple of more times - SOIQs) and finally brought in another doctor who gave us some explanations. No, it was not pneumonia, he didn't really think it was asthma (as she had a bit of cold and fever before the raspy breathing started off and usually asthma attacks occur much more rapidly), but since she was still breathing hard and not taking any food, they'd like to observe her in the ICU. He brought in yet another doctor to reinforce the opinion. When we said yes to ICU, the ICU doctor came in and asked the SOIQs again. I was plain infuriated by the inefficiency of it all. I mean, can't you record the history once and pass it on to the "doctors" who'd come and see the baby? How do they "diagnose" something if they don't even know the history?

We had to wait for the ICU room to be cleared up for us for hours. Meanwhile, Snugli actually recovered a bit, her breathing had slowed down and she had started breastfeeding again. Well, the ICU doctor didn't really listen to me when I informed her of this and we were moved to the ICU around 11PM that night. Well, there was this another story when at first one of the doctors told us both the parents could remain with her in ICU, later when we actually moved, Sri was prevented from coming into the ICU and still later another of the doctors was okay with Sri coming in! I'm just mentioning this as the sheer incompetency of it all boggles the mind! That night we hardly had 4 hours of sleep each, Snugli still less since she was being checked regularly. Morning we were told that she is good and doesn't need to be in the ICU anymore, so they were moving her to the normal children's section. And so they did and her IV was taken off (the needle still remained as they didn't want to prick her again! Ha!) as she was feeding on her own again.

Well, after reaching our private room, it was another story. A nurse came to do her ECG. My point is that they had done it in ICU early in the morning once. And they took off 10 stickers from my child's body saying that they'll not be needed again. When we asked the nurse why it was nececessary again in a couple of hours to do the ECG again, we were informed "doctor's orders". Even the departments don't communicate with each other? Just what the heck are they doing in there? So again she glued some 10-odd stickers to her body then peeled them off saying they need to be removed soon or it'll hurt. She also comments that removing stickers will not really hurt. Oh yes, if you are a stone or something! Why do you think my baby is crying relentlessly? Because she's fond of crying?

Later in the morning we had a doctor visit and he started giving us a lecture on asthma as such. I was stunned but thought that maybe this was a precautionary measure in such occasions. Later another doctor came and he said that we'd have to keep her on a maintenance steroid spray! Now I was totally shocked and started telling him the history again. The surprised tone in his voice when he asked "This is her first time?" was the indication to me that none of these people had actually bothered going through her history. How more inept can it get? After I went through the SOIQs again, he said that "his team" was of the opinion that she needed the spray and that he'll confer with them. As you can guess, I was sick and tired of the hospital by this time.

But wait, it doesn't really get any better. She was supposed to be under observation. But I never saw the "observing". The doctors never showed up for the whole day (they arrived in a group the next morning). We were kept there in the room for the whole day with only the nurses visiting about 3 times, that was it! My poor baby's fever got worse. They took auxilliary temperature and it showed 100.9, still they did absolutely nothing (real temperature is 1 degree Fahrenheit above). Finally when my baby started to refuse feeding again, I had to go and ask them for fever-reducing medicine. Later one of the nurses had the audacity to say that as parents we know our babies, so we have to ask for medicine when we think she is uncomfortable!! That reassures me a lot, thank you very much!

Next day the doctor team came back to say that we'd have to continue the steroid dose for 5 days and they'd give us a spray which can be used only if her breathing goes rapid again. We were finally discharged out of the hospital. Before we left another nurse came in to give us another asthma lecture and yeah, you guessed it right, she didn't know my baby's history either (yup the dreaded SOIQs again, I must have gone through them atleast 12-14 times!!). And you know what? They never told us why the ECGs were required, or what the results were of the ECG and multiple other tests they conducted on my poor baby!

As I write this I still feel like crying. I still feel so furious. And you can see why I'll never go back there. Atleast I'll never take my baby to them again. I have never seen anything like this before (I have been in 2 hospitals here). Most of the people seemed like interns, who either didn't have experience at all or who didn't know what they were talking about. I am so angry with the whole system as such. If Snugli's doctor had agreed to see her the first day, then she wouldn't have gotten this worse. As a parent I have learnt a valuable lesson. Go to the doctor whenever we feel like it. Don't rely on the nurses on the phone. As one of the paramedics said while we were heading to the ambulance "If they say its just a simple cold, then its not their child".

Its like when the problem is small they don't care and when it becomes even a bit worse, they create a hugggggggggggge unnecessary hullabaloo. To be honest, I don't think the steroids were needed at all . I think she'd have recovered just by the breathing treatment (which was a Vicks kind of vapourizer). She's still on the steroids which are getting down her energy, but not her spirit. She's doing perfectly well today and is fully back into her crawling and chewing. Its as if the whole thing never happened at all. But it did happen and it did leave a big scar on my heart, which is the reason I'm writing this post. Which is the reason I'll never set foot in UK Chandler hospital again!

P.S: After we were home, Sri commented on how they asked for our insurance only in the emergency room and nowhere else. Apparently the departments had no problem communicating in that regard.

Random rants..

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Yet another shooting. How many more until they finally decide to ban guns? Again, it was the same media rigmarole complete with psychologists and police superintendents. I mean, looks like there is simply no value for lives anymore. The worst thing is there were certain "experts" giving "brilliant" ideas like how everyone should carry a gun to protect themselves.

Yup. I feel perfectly safe now {rolls her eyes}..

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I feel sick and tired of the ongoing US presidential campaign. It feels like its been on forever. What I am even more tired of is the media (surprise, surprise :-p). Initially they declared that Rudy Giuliani was the ultimate Republican nominee. The guy's vanished without a trace now. Looks like its Hillary Clinton's turn next. Gimme a break! The media come up with some silly poll daily one way or another. Next day its a total reversal of opinions! Its like watching the weather channel :-p. I can't believe there's still 10 more months of this to take..

Torture on..

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Who is going to be president doesn't really matter. Nothing is going to change for a person like me who's on a H4 visa. I wonder how they came up with that one. Ok a person on H1 visa will work but his/her spouse will not have basic rights! Crazy! I feel worse when a person who's not even qualified gets a good job, where as the first question I get asked in an interview is "Do you have sponsorship?". Once I say that I'm on H4, thats the end of the interview. Atleast give me a chance, verify if I'm talented before you write me off! I have always wanted to take a sabbatical when I had a kid, but it still stings when somebody else gets a H1 sponsorship. It makes me think that maybe I am not as good as I think I am.

But hey thats life..

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Lastly there's been this song in my head for the past 3 days. I don't mean it in a good way. I sort of liked it when I first listened to it. But it went into my head and has been playing in a repeat mode for 3 days now! I hate it, but I can't get it out of my head. My head aches :(. It reminds me of a Seinfeld episode called "The Jacket" in which George keeps singing this song -

Jerry - "What is that song?"

George - "Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went to see it last week. I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it infront of clients. It's taking over my life.

Jerry - You know, Schumann went mad from that. (Trying to scare George) He went crazy from one note. He couldn't get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating it over and over again. He had to be institutionalized.

I am already going mad..

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