Snoogli bear turns two :).

There is a sweet ache in my heart. Time is flying so fast, that sometimes I want to shout at it to stop, to be more like a gentle breeze than a speedy wind, to take a breather and let me gather the moments that are scattering everywhere like petals from hundreds of blossoms. But does it listen? Do I even want it to listen? There is content attached with that sweet ache somewhere. Content to see the little bud blossom into a tiny flower, a talking walking tiny flower ;-), that occupies each and every moment of my existence. Do I want the little flower to go back to its budding stage? No. But it doesn't mean that I don't miss the bud :-\.

So goes the train of thoughts in my mind. Two years ago, I remember holding Snugli as a small squirming baby in my arms. You cannot imagine how much I miss that and as I even think about it, how I feel tears making their way to my eyes. It feels like so much has happened since then though it has been only two years. Yes, there are captured stills from different phases here and there, but I feel that I have missed to capture so much more. Many oh-so-many moments that I didn't manage to get hold of, that have now drifted away in memory so far that I cannot help but think of "if onlys". I know the moments are there somewhere within me, playing hide and seek, tormenting me since I know I can never discover their hiding place.

The infant in my arms has now grown into a toddler who still, thankfully, wants to be in my arms some days, though sadly, my arms now get tired more easily in the effort of holding her. Once unable to speak, now she has something new to say every minute of every hour of every day that she is not sleeping (well, there are exceptions in sleep too some days :-D). Just an year back, she wasn't even able to walk properly and now she runs and its not easy to catch a little gazelle who while making me feel out of breath, has more than enough strength to even laugh while running. An imp who is always interested in everything, so much that I hesitate to introduce a new activity just because I know I will get pestered again and again as a reward ;-).

As Snugli turns two years old, I celebrate my 2nd motherhood anniversary with lots of pride and a sense of accomplishment. Yet, there is still a part of me that wonders whether I am a good mother. Do I do everything that needs to be done, say everything that needs to be said and leave somethings unsaid when the occasion requires it? I can't say I do. Many a time I feel that I am ignorant, for Motherhood is such a vast subject that it can't really be learned by studying, can't be automatically gained just because I am literate. It has to be lived each and every day and sometimes I feel that I switch off, some circuit in my brain slacks and I do not live up to my true mother potential. As another year comes near, I can only hope that I am able to face up to the challenges of a troublesome two year old with more patience and more volume control ;-).

The sweet ache in my heart wrestles almost constantly with overwhelming joy, which in turn usually dominates and makes me forget all the aches and pains. Joy at how Snugli is growing up, gratification at the way we have been able to bring her up (nobody has any experience in parenthood until they have a child) and amazement at the miracle she has become in our lives. I had loads of doubts about how we will be able to teach her little things and somehow somewhere down the line, we got attuned by an inner instinct, so much that teaching isn't teaching but a natural way of bringing her up. But more amazing is her learning spirit. Its a miracle how that little brain processes and remembers, practices and sustains. Simply said, its beautiful :).

Happy 2nd birthday my little sweetu Snoogli bear. May you continue to be the miracle you are and brighten the lives of those around you. And happy 2nd parenthood anniversary to Sri and me. May the experience continue to be as rich and rewarding as it has been so far...