Another think coming..

When you have a brain there are thoughts. In my case, since there are thoughts, then I must have a brain ;-) :)). The thoughts don't really wait for an appointment or your permission. They come and they go. Here's my attempt to capture a few that have been circulating in my head for, well, lets say, sometime now.

**************************************************************

Nothing gets the thoughts circulating like death. Recently one of Sri's grand-uncles died and this is the first time after the death of my grand father that I'm encountering the demise of a person who was a bit close to us. We had quite an interaction with him in our India trip this year and after we heard of his passing away, the image of him playing with Snugli lingered for a few days in my mind. He was a true believer of God and well, that was what made me think. Even though we might claim otherwise, we have certain expectations of everything, even death. We don't know whether the expectations will be met, but even if they are met, will we be even aware of what we had expected earlier? Even if we exist in some form, will we be aware of what we left behind, or who we left behind for that matter? I can only hope he is in a place where he wanted to be..

**************************************************************

On the same note, I came to know of the death of a 2-month old today morning which shook me (don't panic, this post is not all about death). It seems the baby choked on milk while he was breast-feeding and passed away even before they could take him to the hospital! And it literally shook my heart as I hadn't even heard of such a thing before (Snugli got a few extra tight hugs on that regard). I never thought that the life-giving milk can take away a life. I can't bear to imagine what the mother is going through. I was on the verge of tears despite not seeing the baby ever and not even knowing the parents (the father is a second cousin and I haven't seen him for years). It was then I received a call from a very close friend that she's pregnant for the 2nd time (she has a 3 year old boy). And I could literally see my feelings go from a shade of sorrow to utter joy. It was literally as if a ray of sunshine burst into the gloom surrounding me. Its these contrasts of life that will never cease to amaze me.

**************************************************************

Why do we suppress all negativity and try to share the positivity as much as possible? I don't know about you, but I seem to do this a lot. When I'm happy, be it a very small joy, I shout it loud to the world. But if its sadness, I try and keep it inside. It doesn't go beyond my family. You may have noticed it on my blog too. Most of my posts are happy. It doesn't really mean that everything is hunky and dory. There are times when Sri and I have fights (Gasp, yes we do :-p) and I'm angry or I'm hurt. But somehow I can't seem to share those times on the blog. Its not that I want to create an illusion on the blog of a perfect life with no downs. But somehow it seems too personal. Since when is sorrow personal and joy not? Another example is a simple thing like taking photos. When we are in the picture of health, we take multiple number of snaps, but if we are ill, how come the camera is forgotten all of a sudden? If life is a mish-mash of joys and sorrows, then why are the moments of sadness given this treatment? Probably, we find some solace in the fact that the moments of sadness are negligible compared to those of joy. Weird!

**************************************************************

Its been sometime since I have written a poem for a post. Its not that I don't have ideas. But previously when I had an idea, I used to jot it down somewhere and then expand it into a poem. These days I don't really have the luxury of time and even if I do, I have minimum 10 posts lined up to write, 3 months worth of photos to send (I usually write captions for these which people have started to come to expect :-p, so that eats away the time) and around 5 people I intend to call (this list keeps increasing each day!).

And so more than a few brilliant lines
That materialized from a point in nowhere..
Have been so far pityingly suppressed
Into corners of my mind here and there.

:).

**************************************************************

Recently another of my friends started blogging. So I have 5 real-life, very good friends of mine blogging currently (well, 3 of them haven't updated their blogs for a while, you know who you are and I'm watching your blogs, so update soon! :-p). It kinda feels nice to have been the first of them all to start blogging, so even though I might not be the inspiration, I like to think that I have contributed to their blogging instincts :-D. And I know that they all read my blog whether they update theirs or not, so that keeps me inspired to put a post atleast now and then ;-) :-D.

**************************************************************

Then there are a few "once in a month" comments/emails on my blog that absolutely make my day :) (For the commentator who asked me for my email, its on my profile page). They say how their lives relate to mine or how they encountered my blog by chance and how they can't stop reading it. I'm not writing this as a boast, but to let you know that you guys are the other inspiration for me to make an effort to put up a post. Now you can guess why I don't really care about the comments on my posts (Heck I think the number of posts that have zero comments are wayyyyyyy more than any posts that do :-p). Whats even more wonderful is that a couple of old friends found me through my blog! Can you believe that!

**************************************************************

Talking of finding people, I love Orkut solely for that reason. I don't really like absolute strangers leaving "Wanna friend me?" messages (double :-p), but I love it that I'm getting in touch with schoolmates who I never thought in my wildest dreams, that I'll ever see again. And I'm getting to know every update that happens to them and its somehow amazing to me. I wish that more people that I have lost contact with would join there. Or maybe atleast find my blog from somewhere ;-).

**************************************************************

For those who are counting how long it will be before I write something about Snugli, you can stop counting now :-p. I got her a haircut last saturday. Her hair had been growing out of control, so now she has a bob cut. She out grew her baby hair-brush about a month back. She's 11 months old and she is already outgrowing things (many of her dresses/towels she outgrew long time back). And its a dwandwa (dilemma) for me each time. I want to see new things for her, but yet feel very emotional whenever the old things are going away. Somehow it makes me want to cry. Its like there are too many changes too soon. It feels like the moments are slipping away and I can't help but be a spectator..

**************************************************************

One thing I have realized with Snugli is that being the first child has its perks (it took me so long to realize that :-D. Don't let Darsh hear me say this ;-) :-D). As the first baby, there is no competition and no comparison until if and when the 2nd baby comes along. The first baby is the only one which has the exclusiveness of parents. The 2nd baby always has to share his/her parents. That maybe the reason why the younger ones are pampered more ;-). Also 2nd child will always be compared to the first one (He walked before her, she started saying words late and so on). Parents say that they treat the children equal, but the children always think otherwise. I always thought that my parents were partial to Darsh, but one final day was really surprised to hear him say the same of me! Guess our parents did treat us equal then ;-), hehehehe :)). One disadvantage that first children face though is that parents make their first mistakes with that one. So the first child becomes the learning point for them (which is not so good for the baby ;-) :-D). Take us, one mistake we made was not to take Snugli to the doctor immediately when she was ill, but we'll certainly not repeat that with her or another baby (if and when) ever again. Well, whats the point I'm trying to make here? Nothing. Its just that each day I understand my parents more and more :-D.

**************************************************************

As parents we try to do the best for our child. My mom keeps telling this story about me when I was young. They weren't as well off then as they are today, so they'd take me out and buy me a small cup of icecream and I'd eat it bit by bit for hours, it seems. The point is not that I took time ;-), but the fact that they wouldn't buy any for themselves. They provided what they thought was the best for me. In my case its rather different. I, personally, have always thought that "Organic" products are nothing but a fad. In fact, I've also scoffed at a couple of friends of mine for even saying the word "organic" :-D. Also, we don't buy mineral water, we use tap water for all purposes (and I must say that I haven't fallen ill at all while I was drinking the same). Since the time I got pregnant, we did put a filter for the tap to reduce lead (whats ironic is that I did catch a cold once after that :-\). But after Snugli started eating semi-solids, most of the stuff I buy for her is organic. Most, if not all veggies I get for her are organic. And so are the curd and milk I buy for her. Sri and I still don't eat/drink organic, but we make sure she does. I don't really consider "organic" stuff the best, but its just that I don't want to take a risk with her. So what does that make me? Am I just being a good parent? Or am I a hypocrite? I'm not sure.

**************************************************************

Lastly, I have been writing this post on and off since afternoon and am completing it only now at night. I guess thoughts don't have restraints of time and space ;-) :-D.