Pyjama mama :).

Saw this today and it struck a chord..



I don't know about you, but I'm always in my pajamas at home. I am comfortable in them and I like being comfortable. Have never really cared too much about my appearance (atleast when I'm home). Being in US, that's not really a problem as I've hardly any visitors dropping in without informing first. Well, that's what has spoiled me. Sometimes I wonder if and when we go back to India, how hard would it be to get rid of my so-called bad habits. When going back itself is a big question, I wonder whether "pajamas" are the real concern anyway :-p. Sometimes I can't believe its been more than 8 years since I've been here. Never thought that I'd be here more than 2 years. We're still infected with the one-leg-on-shore while another-on-the-boat syndrome as of now :-\.

And sometimes I feel we ought to pack up and move to Europe or Australia or some other place than India. Because I have realized that there's nothing like living in a totally different country to give you a whole new perspective on life. And the travel we'd get to do, would be a bonus ofcourse :). But, no plans of introducing yet another boat/shore to the mix right now ;-).

Empathy..

I was visiting one of my favourite facebook photography page yesterday and I saw a picture of bats (the animals). It reminded me of something that happened years ago.

I must have been around 10 years old or maybe younger than that when one day my parents found a baby bat lying on the ground at the back of our house. It seemed that the bat had hurt one of its wings. I remember feeling very sad for the bat, I really thought it was going to die. Yet, I slowly picked it up and made a cave-like shelter using our batte-ogeyo kallu (cloths washing structure that's usually found in India) and slowly put it inside. I kept some water for it (I didn't know whether bats drank water - Google tells me they do :-D). I even got a cockroach that was killed in the house and put it inside the "cave". Again, I didn't know whether bats ate cockroaches (Google tells me they do! Yay!), but I was happy that the next the cockroach was gone and there were only a couple of its wings found. For all I knew the cockroach might run for its life :-p. I used to visit it everyday and even slowly stroke its small furry head. Then after about 5 days or so, when I visited one morning, it was gone. The younger positive self that I was, was very happy that it had recovered and had flown of. The older negative me does wonder whether it was eaten by a bird or something :-p.

This is not one instance such a thing has happened with me. There was a time when I found a dead butterfly in the garden and I was so sad for its death that I made a grave for it by digging a hole in the garden and I think I even made an epitaph like thing for it. I used to visit its grave every day and "pay my respects". Yes, I was weird :-p. And then there was this huge caterpillar living on our jasmine plant who I used to love. I hate worms of all kinds and they give me the heebie-jeebies. But somehow this caterpillar was different - it was a beautiful green in color and had these 5-6 yellow-orange eye-like spots on its body and was so soft to touch. One day it vanished and I didn't see its pupa anywhere. But I was positive that it had turned into this beautiful colorful butterfly and was "happy" somewhere :).

I don't really know what I want to say in this post, just that I've always felt empathy with the oddest of creatures. To this day, if I see a spider/fly/even ant inside the home, I try to gather it and leave it outside. The only exceptions to this sympathy are mosquitos and cockroaches :-p. Those need something more than sympathy and empathy :-D.

Content..

Yesterday Sri and I were lying on our stomachs on the carpet while Snugli and Sunny climbed all over us plying us with hugs and kisses. At that moment, I felt happy. I didn't have a care in the world. I'm sure I sound facetious, but I really don't care that many others have more money than me or that other women have a better career than me. I can afford to be generous because life has been good to me. I am content :).

Andddddddddddd I'm back baby :).

The years go by..

4 years ago I made this collage into a T-shirt for Sri's birthday..




Now its Sunny's turn..




How quickly the years are going by. This is the 7th year I'm celebrating Sri's birthday with him and there are times I wonder where the time went. I guess you don't see time when you are having fun ;-).

Happy birthday Sri :). Love you lots :)).

New year wishes..

Things have been crazy since we have been back from India. For one thing, the mom part of me has completely taken over my life. I just don't get any time for myself, so the blog has sadly been neglected. I have all these ideas I want to write about, but I never ever get the time. When I do have a few free moments, I'd rather laze around rather than start typing. Poor Sunny hasn't even had a post of her own yet. And there are so many things happening each day and I am regretting not noting down each and every thing like I did with Snugli. But I am determined to get back to writing soon. Meanwhile, I feel frustrated, angry and stressed out most days. There are bright days now and then, but all the other days are passing in a haze and I don't even know what to about it. I feel like taking a break, but there is no break for a mom from her children and ain't that the truth!

Well, its sad that I couldn't even jot down a post on Snugli's birthday. We didn't celebrate it very grandly this time. She did have a party at school and we did take her to an indoor kids play area (where she enjoyed to the maximum) and her favourite restaurant for dinner. But I just didn't have it in me, to plan another party outside and arrange things. I still feel a little guilty over that, but she had fun and thats that. Oh man, she's 4 already and I wish all the time that I had a pause button to life, sigh.

On a sad note, one of my good friends passed away last week and so the past week has been depressing for me. She was sick with a rare disease and suffered a lot in the past month, but we never expected that it would take her life. I was fortunate enough to spend a weekend with her in September when she came to visit us here. I keep remembering little things about her and it keeps getting to me now and then. We expect death at ages lot older than ours and imagine that we'll have all our friends till the ends of our own lives, so it becomes very difficult to accept it that she died at 32, she had a lot of spirit and lot more in her. I hope she's in a much better place and is happy and at rest finally. You know what I have realized from all this? Her life is no more, but our lives go on, they have to go on..

To put a positive end to this post, I did get my macro lens finally - Canon 100mm f2.8 macro and I'm glad that I haven't let go of photography completely, despite all my "troubles". Have some pics uploaded on my facebook photography page in case you are interested. Here's a recent one:




And so, to summarize, 2011 brought me a dear daughter and took away a good friend. It also brought me my first silver hair ;-) (sounds better than gray or white and I'm sticking with it :-p). The year has been a mix of gains and losses, easy and tough times, tears and laughter, basically life going on in all its glory. There's still much more to see, many more things to do and hope 2012 has ample opportunities :-).

The end of the world is coming folks ;-) :-D. 2012 is here! Wish you and your loved ones a very happy and prosperous new year :-).

The facade..

The facade...

Days beckon with
infinite drive.
Nights sink tired;
Crash dive.

The body dances
the daily grind..
The mind droops,
feeling confined..

The inside me wants
to cut and run..
The outside me has
worries none.

Uncertainty questions
"Am I really needed?"
Confidence prevails,
all doubts receded.

Behind a joyous mask
sadness taunts..
Behind a brave facade
vulnerability haunts..