Like Duck to Water, thats how I have taken to life :). This blog is the saga of love and adventures of a small duck in a large water body called LIFE....

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Friday, April 29, 2005

Ek Chennai ko dekha tho aisa laga...

The heat hit me on the face as soon as I was out of my 2nd AC Compartment. Didn't need any more proof at all that I was in Chennai ;-) I haven't been to Chennai for years. I don't even remember when I went last. This 1-day trip was not a vacation but was due to the fact that I need a visa to join my Sri and the only way to get it was to attack the US consulate in Chennai ;-)

The first thing I noticed about the city was obviously the heat. But the heat I'm used to, as a native of Udupi. The sun there I feel is hotter :-D But the weather sure was sultry. The other thing which I noticed (had to!!) and which bothered me was the smell. The smell was definitely not the like-able sort, but it wasn't the I-have-to-hold-my-nose kind either. This smell lingered in most of the roads there. Most of the roads were unclean too, but I guess that's a standard thing everywhere in India. No point in complaining about that :-D The thing that stuck me the most was the lack of bright faces. The crowds of people everywhere looked tired, most of them looked like the why-are-we-alive kinds, or I'm-too-bogged-down-by-work kinds. Cheerfulness of any kind was totally missing. I don't know whether it was due to the middle-of-the week syndrome :) What I liked though was the transport - the buses though old and were the surely-will-get-flooded-if-it-rains type, were open and airy. The autos though, were like hoards of cockroaches crawling everywhere. They didn't have any meter and the drivers seemed to ask crazy amounts to travel a single Km :-p What I loved were the tender coconuts, had 3 in only 1 day!!! It was basically to avoid dehydration :) We (me and dad) had lunch and dinner in Sharavana Bhavan. The food was good but the prices seemed atrocious :-p Ok the people in Chennai have money after all, even though they don't look like it :-p (Now I'm being nasty :-D)

At one point of time, I suddenly felt very sad. I was walking along one of the roads, when I remembered the Dec-27th Tsunami disaster. Wonder if there was a visitor like me who was walking on the road and was swept away before he/she realized what was happening. I know death has to happen but sometimes life's too cruel. There were kids playing along the beach that fateful day who drowned. And they wouldn't even have learnt what's life all about. Hmm I wonder whether that's good in one way...

Ok now the U.S consulate. Felt totally like a prison from outside as well as inside :( There were guards standing all over the place as if we are just waiting to attack the Americans inside :-p I went there to basically get H4 dependent visa stamped (will be writing in detail about the whole thing in my next post). After security and pre-verify formalities, I was sent into a bank-locker kind of a building. I say bank locker because the doors were all heavy, iron doors which I had to struggle to push/pull! There were 11-12 counter with Americans interviewing all sorts of Indians from all sorts of places. There were lots of people waiting for their turn and I joined them. Fortunately/Unfortunately (later turned out to be fortunate ;-) ) I was the first person to be called into a counter. The guy there (I don't even know his name, so from now on he'll be referred to as Mr. American) checked out my papers and took the fingerprints of my left and right index fingers. I was afraid they'd object to my working status and the first question was exactly that!

Mr. American: "How long have you been working in ............?"
Me: One and a half years.
Mr. American: And what will you be doing in U.S?
Me: Nothing as of now
(Immediately I wished I hadn't said "as of now" :-p)
Mr. American {raises his eyebrows}: And you are looking forward to that?
Me: Yeah, am really looking forward to a break!!
and I grin.
Mr. American {smiles}: Ok Your visa will be stamped. Please pay up the DD in counter 1.

That was it!!! He didn't ask me anything about my marriage, nothing about Sri and where he's staying, didn't see my marriage photos/certificate, didn't ask for a No-objection letter I had painfully taken from my work-place, didn't ask for anything extra like photos et cetera. With all due respect to Mr. American, I have to exclaim "Crazy Americans!!!" :-p Anyways I was grinning ear-to-ear by the time I was out of there :-D Didn't even mind the sweat drenching my clothes (though there was no sun)!! Chennai looked brighter all of a sudden ;-)

But hey Bangalore is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better man! When I landed here today morning, I noticed all the little things I had probably been ignoring for years. The roads are definitely cleaner and definitely no smell :-D The weather is cool and lovely. The people are more enthusiastic, active and cheerful! Love Bangalore :)

Sad that I may not be here after 2 weeks :(

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Time and tide....

An extract from Pink Floyd's "Time" goes like this:

"And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death"

I have heard the song many times before but today I heard it in the car when Darsh was dropping me off to work. It suddenly stuck me - "Yup I MUST make a comment on my blog in this" (These days I seem to thinking of everything in blog terms :-p).

Sometimes somethings make so much sense. I don't know whether the author was really philosophical when he wrote this, but the sentences sure came out that way. Its so true. People have this crazy wish of living longer and longer. To accomplish what, no one knows. When you are struggling pretty bad to avoid death, age sneaks up on you and you realize that life has passed by without you actually achieving anything. And why this need of achievement? Isn't it enough that you've had a contented and a happy life? Why always this quest for more, more and more??? Ok I'm becoming too philosophical now. The whole point of what I'm trying to say is take life as it comes. The simple fact is that tomorrow might never come for you (If I say this in front of my mom or MIL, they'll say "say bidthu" (There's a belief that whenever you say bad things like this, its actually not you saying it, but a spirit possessing your tongue ;-) Bidthu mean "It has left" indicating the spirit)). But its the truth. You/I may not be alive tomorrow, so what's the point in worrying about death today?

Ok Suththi jaasti aaithu (meaning I'm lecturing a lot) and I know that I have to stop now. I can only repeat - Life's too short to waste it away by worrying about death. And Death is the end result of life. So, Don't worry be happy :)

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Pope Name Generator

Just found this Pope name generator somewhere. Thought mine was funny so put it here :-D

If I am elected, my pope name will be:

Pope Unspeakable Carlos III

What's your pope name?

The things people come up with :-D

Monday, April 25, 2005

The Superwoman syndrome

Long time no see dear blog! Sorry, was away for a wedding :)

So what's all this superwoman syndrome about? Its a woman, namely me, saying "I can handle everything" :-p. "Don't worry, I will take care of that", I say to Sri. Am I saying I am making false claims to my hubby? Nope, I do handle things to a great extent. But it doesn't mean I am doing it easily. Its NOT a cake-walk for me. Most of the things end up leaving a physical strain and more importantly, an emotional strain on me. The physical strain, I can deal with. But the emotional part is a bit difficult... Hmmm no wonder people tell me that I've gone down a bit after Sri left for U.S ;-).

I don't know whether I ought to be cribbing about the whole thing as such. Its me who WANTS to handle everything. Its me who really likes being responsible. Its me who believes that if I let others handle things, then they might not handle it too well. Its me who wants to be appreciated when the things I handle get completed efficiently. Its me who feels proud when things do get done. But sadly, its also me who suffers through tension and anguish for all the things I handle.

Exactly what I'm trying to convey here is a lecture to myself on taking it easy. "Take it cool" says Sri. But he's not the one "handling" things here :-p Its me who's been dumped with everything since he's gone. I know I need to relax, but there's so much to be done that I can't help but worry about. Actually, cribbing about it in my blog is a good way to relax :-D Ok ok from now on I'll try to "be cool" {adds this item on her list of things to be handled} :-D

HEY, I'M NO SUPERWOMAN!!! But I'm getting there ;-)

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

A guide to The HitchHiker's guide to the galaxy

I came across "The HitchHiker's guide to the galaxy" by Douglas Adams sometime in December last year. The credit purely goes to Darsh for insisting that I read it (and later read it FAST as the copy was a friend's and he had to return it!!!). I read "The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide" which is a consolidation of all the 6 consequent stories that Douglas Adams wrote. I have never read such a totally crazy assortment of ideas and imagination which suddenly somehow manage to convey such a deep meaning at certain situations (wow, even I can come up with a really complicated statement :-D). Only a person who has managed to read the book can know what I mean.

So why am I talking about it now? When I read it, I was so impressed with some of the dialogues in the book that I actually made a note of three of them (believe me, I don't make a habit out of it!) and I found these notes in my drawer today :) And blog-crazy that I've become, what better way to preserve them than to put them in my blog? :-D Lets start with the first one:

"This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole, it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy."

Now isn't that something? What a way to state that money is not important!! Here's the second one:

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced with something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another which states that this has already happened."

:-D. All these particular theories are purely from the brilliant imagination of the author :) Imagine! Somebody might have already come up with an explanation for the universe and the universe was replaced by what we have today! Boggles the mind, doesn't it? Ok the last one:

"In the beginning, the universe was created; This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

:))))))) Take that, thou who complain about the creation of universe and its effects :-D.

So, if anyone wants to read this book on the basis of this post, here's my disclaimer:

"The author of this post is not responsible for the giggles, frowns and headaches that might be induced in the reader who is reading the above mentioned book. If there is any cause for complaint then the comments should be sent directly to the publishers of the above-mentioned book and not to the author of this post."

Hehehee. All I can say is that, if you decide to read this book, be ready for a wild frustrating ride of 768 pages :)) Enjoy maadi :-D.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Point to ponder :)

Nope I'm not going to talk about Indo-Pak Cricket :-p No POINT in that ;-)

Read this recently in "Quotable Quotes" Reader's Digest April 2005, Indian edition:

"If you read someone else's diary, you deserve what you get" - David Sedaris.

:)) But does this apply to blogs too? Hmmmmmmmmm...

Diaries are extremely private. So much that if I have a diary, I wouldn't even let the person closest to me, read it. But weblogs aren't private at all. You can probably remain anonymous and maintain your privacy in a way, but they are public. Any person can read your blog and even comment on it. There is absolutely no question of privacy.

So would you write in a blog what you'd write in a diary? Probably not ;-) But I have been pretty open in my blog. This was proved when one of my closest friends (Hey Vandu, that's you :-D) called me up just to make sure I was ok. This after reading my Love Foolosophy sigh sigh sigh!!! and Forms of loneliness :( posts. I was really so embarrassed {smiles sheepishly} :-D Nothing actually to be embarassed about though :)) I can't really complain because I was the one who mailed them all declaring that I have started blogging :-p

Anyways I like the way that I've been blogging and as long as its that way, I'm gonna keep on doing it my way :)

Friday, April 15, 2005

Ode to a little one :(

Just heard some sad news yesterday. One of my best friends, lost her baby girl after full term. It seems the umblical chord twisted around the baby's neck and strangulated her :( This, despite regular check-ups with the doc!! That's why wise men say life's not in our hands :( I called her up to ask her how the pregnancy was progressing (her due date was somewhere around next week) and she broke down on the phone. I was shell-shocked! We are a group of 4 and Habee was the first in the group to get married. When she told us about the pregnancy, my comment was "Hey your kid will be the eldest of all our kids" and I remember her radiant smile full of pride and joy. On the phone, I didn't know what to say to her. No matter what I said, it definitely won't reduce the pain she is facing this moment.

Imagine the plight of the parents in such a situation - the plans they'd have made in the 9 months, all the things they'd have bought, their hopes and dreams, their aspirations for the child, espescially their longing to hold their child in their arms...

Habee had a valid question - "Why did God give me a child if He wanted to take it away?". The question stuck like an arrow to my heart. Why this unfairness? I can't even reassure her with my standard dialogue of all time - "All that happens, happens for the good". I really can't see what good might come out of this! Maybe something will but as of now, I feel so angry at the loss. But que sera sera.

This post is a dedication to the little girl whom my future kids should have considered their big sister, but whom neither they, nor I will never know. Its not often that I write poems but this one goes out to Habee, who'll probably never read this, may you find peace my beloved friend..

A mother's woe

When I first came to know of you
I shouted my joy to the skies
Who ever knew this would happen
Little one, you never opened your eyes.

Your dad bought a beautiful crib
I bought little clothes of your size
Grandparents decorated your room, but
Little one, you never opened your eyes.

You were the answer to our prayers
You were a blessing in disguise
I know not why everything went wrong
Little one, you never opened your eyes.

I will never hear your happy gurgles
I will never hear your wails or cries
You have left my heart and soul empty
Little one, you never opened your eyes.

Rest in peace my little one
It hurts a lot when a loved one dies
Time will heal, but I'm crying now, cause
Little one, you never opened your eyes.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Gotta be bad, gotta be bold, gotta be wiserrrrrrrrr

OK that's it! I've had enough of the brooding and the sad posts. I'm sounding sad and pitiable, post after post! That's NOT what I created this blog for :-p

OK Sri's away. Does that mean my life's at an end? Nope! Nope! Nope! Actually I'm feeling sorta unmarried in some ways ;-) Lemme list the points :-D

  • I DON'T have to get up early and wait for the milkman! Yeah!!

  • I DON'T have to watch each and every move of the maidservant! Yeah!!

  • I DON'T have to keep the news paper inside or the trash outside! Yeah!!

  • I DON'T have to remove dried clothes from the clothes line and fold them (I help mom but I DON'T have to :-D)! Yeah!

  • Finally I DON'T have to worry about what veggies to get and what to cook! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! :-D

But you know what? I sorta liked being the mistress of my home :) But it can get bugging lots of times, espescially when your hubby's sleeping like a Kumbhakarna and you have to be up to attend to the chores :-p. So I'm gonnu take this time away from Sri to do some stuff like:
  • Catch up with old friends, meet and eat (Instead of wine and dine) :))

  • Go shopping with mom and spend like crazy (Actually, I'm too practical for that :-p)

  • Watch loads of movies and Seinfeld shows that Darsh has loaded into the comp ;-) (Yesterday watched "Waking Life" - Ironic that it was a serious movie and ended up depressing me further :-p)

  • Start reading romance novels again :-D (Love this one :-D)

  • Take out the car and start driving the damn thing again (Do I have to do this? :-p)

  • Go on a good trek (Kemmannugundi, here I come :-D) with anybody who's ready to tag along ;-)

  • Pamper myself with massages, facials and what not (Had a facial and a head massage recently :-D)

Seems like a good set of points. Will follow up on them ASAP. But does this mean I have stopped missing Sri? Nah...{goes back into the sad mood again} :(((

Monday, April 11, 2005

How weekends fly...

Weekend achcha tha :) Really dunno how time went ;-) Friday evening Susheela aunty came from KGF and I went to pick her up from Sri's cousin Vani's house. All 3 of us went shopping. Vani wanted to buy a kurtha for her hubby Bharath, but after attacking 3 kurtha shops, we didn't find anything she liked :( Later shopped for Mavina ele (mango leaves), Bevina hoovu (Neem flowers), green mangoes, mallige (jasmine) etc. Had dinner at Vani's place where Lekha joined us. By the time we reached home it was 10:30 PM!!! Friday gone :(

Saturday was Ugadi. Parthiva naama samvatsarada ugadiya hardhika shubashayagalu :) (though belated ;-) ). My inlaws celebrate Chandramaana Ugadi, whereas my parents celebrate Sauramaana Ugadi which is on Apr 14th :) So, I get to celebrate it twice :-D Hari uncle came along in the morning. Had to do vegetable shopping as there was almost nothing at home :-D Beligge beligge I went off and completed the mission very successfully ;-) Later head bath and new dress :) Lekha forgot to get her new dress, so went shopping with her and bought her a new one :) Susheela aunty had invited Mom, Dad and Darsh for lunch with us. God, lunch was great :) Had mavinkai chitranna, pachchadi, saaru, dry fruit roll sweet, shaavige paayasa, bevu bella mixture, chips and what not! Wished Sri was with us a 100 times :( Evening we went to Vani's house for her gruha pravesha. Everything seemed to be happening at once and time passed before I could think :-! We finished dinner at about 10:00 PM and still they wouldn't let us leave. They had Housie (Tambola) organized and Vani insisted we play a round and leave. So we stayed and played and I won the Full House :-D Got a five star for my efforts :-D But by the time we reached home, it was 11:30 PM and so went Saturday :(

Now moving on to Sunday. Lekha had given a pooja at the raayara mhata. So we both wore sarees and went to the mhata. Felt good there :) We had to buy a gift for Vani, so went to Angadi silks and bought a saree. Later went to Vani's house where the second part of the function was going on :) Didn't even have breakfast :( had lunch only at about 3:00 PM :( The best part was it started raining after all guests had had lunch and man, that too heavy rain. Dad dropped Hari uncle as he had to catch a train to Hyderabad. Then, Dad, Mom, Susheela aunty and me left for home. I packed up few of my stuff to take to my parents' place (!!!) and then we dropped Susheela aunty where she had to catch a bus to Bijapur in the pouring rain. Went home and literally crashed!! It was raining and there was no electricity, but was so tired, fell asleep almost immediately :) Sunday ended too :(

The only high point was that the weekend was so hectic, I had no/very less time to brood. Yup I missed Sri a lot whenever I was with his side of relatives, but I had lots of fun :) The problem is that the weekend's gone and I don't feel rested at all :( :-D Cribs, cribs and more cribs :-p.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Forms of loneliness :(

Some times you feel absolutely alone in a crowd..

Man, have you ever felt that way? I have, so many times. It feels awful as if no one cares about you anymore, no one cares whether you are alive, as if you are just not there. What the heck am I talking about!! The "alone in a crowd" thing happens not because of the people in the crowd. If you are feeling it, then its you who's the problem. Human mind is a very strange thing. Imagine the complexity of it! You FEEL sad or happy, lonely or crowded, panicky or strong, scared or brave and its all in your mind! Wish there were buttons for them all ;-) Press one and wham, a smile appears :-D Would have been great na? Anyways I was talking about loneliness. Look at the following piece of lyrics from a ghazal sung by Ghulam Ali - "Kuch din to baso meri":

Mein tanha tha
Mein tanha huun
Tum aao toh kya
Na aao toh kya!!

My! I was alone, I am alone, what difference does it make whether you come or you don't? Sounds depressing, doesn't it? But the full song is not that depressing. The song's here at Raaga, listen to it if you can. That's one beautiful song :) To tell you the truth, I have felt this way sometimes. It is an extremely sad feeling and it feels as if the loneliness is gonnu kill you. Its as if you need someone but the one around you is just not enough...

Other times, there is just a person around you and you don't feel so lonely anymore. Though you both may not be speaking to each other, you both maybe doing your own things, yet you feel contented just by the fact that somebody's there. You know that some body who cares is near you, whenever you want him/her and you are glad just by that fact. Unbelievable but true..

There are yet other times when you long to be alone, to get away from it all and people seem to be hell bent on being with you. They get on your nerves and you go "aaaaaaaaaargh!!!". You wish you could just get on a plane or something and leave. Go where? Even you won't know the answer to that! Which is precisely why I said human mind is a strange thing! In this case, you actually feel glad if you are alone. You are absolutely divinely happy even if you are not doing anything as such. Weirrrrrrrrd!!!

So why am I talking about this now? I am in my office right now and there is a whole crowd of colleagues making all sorts of noises around me. But I am lonely. I'm so lonely without Sri :( Can't even call him up whenever I want and bug him as he's so far away from me :( My parents try to be with me all the time so that I don't brood. Darsh keeps pulling me along to watch videos and movies with him. But I still miss Sri. There just seems to be no medicine for that :( Right now, my blog is the only company for my loneliness. I know that sounds pathetic but that's the reality :(

Listening to: Baby when you're gone by Bryan Adams & Melanie C :(((

"Baby when you're gone,
I realize I'm in love
Days go on and on,
And the nights just seem so long
Even food don't taste that good,
Drink ain't doing what it should
Things just feel so wrong,
Baby when you're gone"

Monday, April 04, 2005

Love Foolosophy sigh sigh sigh!!!

Isn't it strange how one person becomes more important than all the people in your life put together? That too, in a matter of just a few months!! A total stranger who you hadn't even seen a couple of months ago, is all of a sudden the center of your life!!! How weirder can life get??

I can't believe I didn't know Sri till Nov 13th 2005. I still sometimes can't believe I am married to him now ;-) I mean, how do things work out this way? Is it, as they say, that "Marriages are made in heaven"? Were we meant to be together? You just can't believe some of the coincidences in our case. Please believe me when I say, I am telling the truth, only the truth and nothing but the truth!!

  • During my first 2 years of B.E at PESIT, it seems Sri was doing a training on Mysore road, daily traveling through the same road that I used to take to college. Crazy or what!

  • About 2 years back, Sri came back to Bangalore from Delhi. He used to stay in BTM and daily travel on some roads, where I used to go to visit some of my friends almost regularly!!!

  • Moreover, he purchased a flat about an year ago. Believe it or not, the flat is right behind my parents' place, about a furlong away and my parents' place is directly visible from the flat!!! This fact actually caused speculation among Sri's cousins and mine that maybe, just maybe we knew each other from before :-D

These are the ones I know, maybe there are many such coincidences that we haven't figured out yet! Does this indicate a pattern or is all of these just a coincidence? Who knows!! I'm not an all-knowing-genius to comment on the same. I'm just speculating on the weird ways of fate and karma and all that ;-) Also, I have to have something to fill my blog with ;-) :-D :-)).

When this person who was a total stranger just a few months ago, has to be away from you for a while, why does it feel as if you are torn apart? Yep, Sri is in a place far far away and I miss him so bad :( He left on Saturday and he called a couple of times already. Still, its a terrible feeling to be away from him :( How come he has gotten to me in such a short time? And they say arranged marriages have no charm :-p My life's become a movie drama now and I don't really know how I'm supposed to behave anymore

Listening to: Now You're Gone by Whitesnake :(((((

Friday, April 01, 2005

Happy Fools' day :))

Finally, the day when we can be our natural selves is here :-D.

P.S: "A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married." - H. L. Mencken.