To be here or to be there?

Is not the question I know. After all, how can I leave Sri there alone in peace without anybody to trouble him? :-D But right now, if you ask me to describe my feelings in one word, the answer has to be "Torn" :(

Why does life always give us choices? Why this or that? Why can't it be both? Why, when on one side there is happiness, there is also a tinge of sadness? Why can't it all be uncomplicated and easy? And why can't I be satisified with what I get? Why, when I am getting a lot more than I expected? Why do I have to ask for more? Why do people always have to ask for more? And why am I writing all this?

A kannada song by P.B.S describes man's attitude very aptly:

Baanigondu elle ellide?
Ninnaasegelli kone ide?
Yeke kanasu kaanuve?
Nidhanisu, nidhanisu.

Translates into "Is there a limit to sky? Is there a limit to your needs? Why do you dream for more? Slow down, slow down". We want it all and we can't have it. Maybe its good that we can't. What's the fun in life if you get all you asked for? I say this too and I say that too. What can I do if my feelings fluctuate like a pendulum.

Everything's great as explained in my previous post. The only sad part is that I'm going to be so far away from dad, mom and Darsh in about a week. It'll be totally different from what it previously was. When I got married, I was sad to be apart from them. But since we were in the same city, I could visit them whenever I wanted. They could visit me whenever they/I wanted. I could call them up without worrying about the time and talk for hours. We could catch up at functions or wherever, whenever. In one week, everything will be totally different :(.

My problem is that I've never been away from my parents. I have been very lucky not having to stay in hostels or relatives' places (some people might disagree about the 'lucky' part, but it applies to me). I now call it a problem because its probably more difficult to be apart at this point of time. Some people may say I'm too dependent or that I'm pampered. But that's not the case. Yup I am emotionally dependent on them. How can I not be when they have been the ones with me, through pain and pleasure, through joy and sorrow, through special and irritating moments, through scoldings and loving words for almost 25 long years? How can I forget all that in an instant and say bye-bye? And pampered, I'm not. My mom and dad have moulded me into the woman I am today. They have struggled a lot to make me and Darsh what we are today. I'm so proud of them and proud of all that they have achieved.

Am I making a big issue out of it? These days communications have improved a lot. I can talk/chat/even see them through computers. And I have to think about Sri. Bechaara, he's all alone there right now. Atleast I was with my parents while we've been apart. And the simple truth is that I just can't bear to be away from him as I've found out in the past month. But it still won't be the same living on the other side of the world without my parents :(.

I know I'll get adjusted to it after some time. Maybe, it'll take a few days, a few weeks or maybe a few months. But, right now, I'm torn.......