Eve-and-every-other-woman-teasing...

Dedicated to the Blank Noise Project. I know I'm late, but I found out about it pretty late too..

"A young girl, 11 years old, all excited about a singing competition..
Travelling in a moderately crowded bus with her group of friends..
Is all smiling, until...
The conductor's hand moves over her chest (the breasts haven't even developed yet)..
Now she's confused. Did he really do that?
He looks alright, he's not of the villain types, he's middle-aged..
'Maybe I got it wrong" she thinks..
He does it again the next time he passes by..
She stops smiling...
Thats the end of her trust in strangers.."

My story, your story, every girl's story. I've read so many such stories in the past 2 days that it has left me reeling. Do I feel embarrassed to write this post? Yes, I do. Because thats the way I have been brought up. Thats the way it has been taught to women. You have to be embarassed for things you are not responsible for. For things done by perverted men!

After that day, I used to dislike travelling in buses. Even if I would, I would try to be in the women crowd in the front of the bus, way away from the men crowd. But the conductor gets to move in the women crowd too. So I'd watch him like a hawk and make sure that I'd not be groped in any way. Most of the times, I would ride my bicycle to school and avoid buses anywhere I could. But sadly this case is not only with the buses..

"Years later, a young woman, 20 years old, would travel to college daily..
On her 2-wheeler..
On a residential road, almost every day, she'd encounter..
A thin man riding in the opposite direction on a luna ..
In the beginning the guy would just whistle looking at her..
She would mutter some scoldings and go on her way..
Then it started becoming obscene words and winks..
She tried ignoring him, thinking then he'd stop..
Later he drove the luna almost as if he'd crash into her vehicle from the opposite direction...
But whenever he would ride with a woman, he would pretend..
Pretend that he was a decent man...
One day, she lost her temper..
She was determined to do something if today the guy came any nearer..
He did and she kicked his vehicle with all her might..
Not caring if she fell off her two-wheeler; And she didnt...
Turning back she saw the guy almost fall..
The smile was back in her face..
After a long time..."

You could ask me why I didn't tell my dad about it. I dunno why. Maybe because I felt embarassed again. Surely dad would come with me one day, the next, but could he do it the 4 years of college study every day? After the incident, I was scared, scared that the guy may bring a gang or something. But I was determined to make a big hue and cry if anything such happened and there was a police station nearby anyways. But from that day on, I never saw even saw the guy whenever I travelled on that road. Looks like he changed his timings or direction :-D.

As for the conductor, I remember his face clearly. I saw him again in another of my bus travels. And this time, I was determined to take all sorts of revenge on him, would he even put a finger on me. But he didn't. He looked suprisingly sober and was treating all the women with respect. Wonder which woman took that revenge for me! Whoever she was, good that she changed atleast one man..

The luna-kicking incident was the only incident where I was brave enough to retaliate. And that retaliation gave me a strange confidence. Thats when I realized that retaliation was better than acceptance in silence. After that, I was a bit more confident in dealing with strange men. Rabble-rousing was/is always better..

Fortunately, I've been one of the women who didn't face more of this kind of harassment. In fact I can recollect only about 3-4 incidents, thats all. Maybe as one of the women say, I had learnt the ways of the world, avoiding all things that would lead to such incidents. After reading all the stories from Mumbai women who travel in trains, wonder how I'd have been, had I been in Mumbai!! Maybe tougher, maybe more cynical, maybe more untrusting..

Surprisingly, I've never faced any kind of harassment in school or colleges by any of the co-students. Most of the times, the-stalking-when-I'm-walking, the-racing-and-slowing-down-when-I'm-on-my-two-wheeler have all been by middle-aged men. These people have daughters, have sisters, have wives, but still behave like this. Is this an educational deficiency or the way they have been brought up? What? I really don't understand the reason. And these are the people who pick up the cudgels when something similar happens to their women. Why do the terms change in case of other women? Why?

Some people have the nerve to say its because of the way a woman dresses. I feel enraged at such ignorant people. Oh really? What do you call the conductor incident then? He must have imagined a 11 year old girl to be a woman in short skirt? Eve-teasing is the only thing that is caste no bar, colour no bar, clothes no bar and looks no bar. Its pure gender biased. And what do you call the Katrina rape incidents? The women and men were in put in a superdome as a rescue mission. Which woman had the strength to dress up in small clothes then? As I mentioned in my Katrina post then, a man is in a life and death situation and all he can think of raping a woman who is in the same situation as him? Just whats the logic behind such despicable behaviour?

I really didn't know whether I'd like to blog about eve-teasing when I read the first few posts. Its difficult to speak about embarassing things and I was not sure that I would want to. But after reading so many posts by women writing their heart out, I felt I had to. Blogging about eve-teasing may not make it go away. After all, all men are not like that. And the men who are like that may never know that a thing like blogging exists. So where's the question of them changing their ways after reading a post? But the many women who are the silent types, might read these posts and if it gives them even a small bit of confidence to face such harrassment with more strength, then the blogathon's purpose is accomplished. If you are speaking about it, then you are doing something about it...

I know I cannot go out and kill such men. All I can do, as many women have said in their blogs, is hope that a time comes when a girl/woman can walk free, without a book protecting her bosom, without a man by her side, head held high and a smile on her face at whatever time, in whatever place, without any concerns whatsoever. For now, I'm going to make sure that if I have a daughter, she's trained in martial arts, she knows the difference between a bad and a good touch and that she's not embarassed about speaking on it. If she ever faces eve-teasing then I'll also be sure never to blame her saying "Its because you wore such clothes" or "Its because you took that particular road" or "Thats why you are not allowed to stay out after 7PM in the night".

On second thoughts, I'll do the same if I have a son. These days, what with sex-changes and same-sex relationships, you never know when the perversion may turn against a young boy...