Like Duck to Water, thats how I have taken to life :). This blog is the saga of love and adventures of a small duck in a large water body called LIFE....

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Friday, November 19, 2010

Realization dawns..

I have realized that you cannot take anything for granted - not even things that have already happened. Just when you are thinking that everything is going well, life suddenly throws a curve ball and the very next day things might be the total opposite of yesterday.

"Life has a funny way of sneaking upon you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right" - Alanis Morisette in the song "Ironic".

I have realized that pessimism can actually be a good thing sometimes, though this fact is painful to admit for an inherently optimistic person like me. When you are totally optimistic, if things don't go your way, you'll obviously be disappointed. But being pessimistic, the hurt will be much less and if things do work out, the happiness will obviously be more ;-). Well, its not easy to change this intrinsic quality :).

I have realized that some things take time (take their own sweet time actually), no matter how much you pray, you wish or you worry. Bribing Gods only goes so far. Sometimes things happen without even trying and other times, no matter how much your effort is, the return is just not equivalent. This is especially true if you are wishing for something good to happen to someone else other than you. If you are praying and the other person is not really making decisions for the good, then tell me, what can God do to help? If you yourself don't do anything and keep pointing the finger at everyone else, then sorry to say, things will just not go your way..

I have realized that everyone is addicted to something or another. Need not be bad always. People generally hear of the bad addictions like smoking, drinking, drugs etc. But sometimes even religion (as in God), culture (as in not-meaningful-anymore rituals) or even self-obsession can be an addiction. For an example, I'm addicted to travelling, I just cannot sit at home for more than 3 months. I just long to go somewhere and see something. I also cannot do anything half-way. If I get into a new activity and I like it, its usually like building a resume - I have to go deeper into the thing almost to a semi-professional level, if not totally professional. Glad that Sri does understand and support this addiction of mine :).

I have realized that there is no point in arguing with someone with a different point of view, even though you are right in the logic. Some people stick to their opinions like they have been plastered to them with the most potent glue. And just because you fight/argue with them or write lengthy mails explaining it all, things aren't suddenly going to change. Just because you obsess over the right things to say and question your decisions of the mile-long explanations, it doesn't mean that they are doing the same thing or will have regrets about their behavior or apologize to people that have been hurt by their attitudes. Such people exist and though they are totally against the beliefs you have grown up with, you just have to deal with it and accept them.

I have realized that being young is getting to be more difficult these days. It was probably never that easy to begin with, but these days, with all the social networking, nothing you do is private anymore. When I met Sri, I wasn't on Orkut and hadn't heard of Facebook. But these days even though youngsters are subjected to arranged marriages, you can find their profile here or there. And most are public with their friends posting their photos (which can be awkward or embarrassing) or revealing messages. You can even see if you have common friends and find out more. It might be actually good when it comes to potential partners, but I kinda feel that it may lead to judging that person before actually meeting him/her which can sometimes be harmful, when all that he/she has been upto is harmless fun. Its like they cannot catch a break ;-).

I have realized that moms are the same every where :). The languages are different, sometimes even the generations are different, but the concern, care and the attitudes regarding the children are the same (of course there are extreme exceptions to this). The librarian of the library I take Snugli to daily said this to me the other day - "Sometimes when Snugli gets too excited, I have heard you say things to her. Half the time I don't understand what you say to her, but I know the voice. Its the mom voice" :-D. I have also heard moms here speaking to their kids and admonishing them when they touch certain things or do certain things, and hug them when they hurt just like I'd with Snugli :). Its a great feeling of comradeship :).

I have realized that no matter how much you try to convince them, some people living in India believe that living in the US means making loads of money. Though we do earn in dollars, these very same people seem to forget that we also spend in dollars. I know there are probably many people residing in the US who are actually here for that very purpose of making money. But sometimes the people in India just don't understand about not generalizing. Yes, personally speaking, we do have some savings. But our main purpose of being here is family life - Sri gets to be around us everyday, certainly more than a regular software engineer in India (this is what makes me okay with the fact that I don't really have a career these days). He doesn't have to leave early in the morning or stay very late in the evenings or work on weekends. In fact he comes home for lunch. I have seen some cousins/friends in India with zero family life and am grateful to have this while we do. Plus we travel a lot and go to India atleast once every 1.5 years (and carry gifts for everyone around) which doesn't come free. The only way we'll make money is if we win a lottery :-p.

I have realized that a person is as busy as he/she wants to be. Though I don't work, as a mom, I'm pretty busy. But I try and make it a point to blog, put up pictures, make calls, mail friends, wish people on their happy days whenever possible. Its not that I have time to spare, but I make the time, because I don't want to get lost in my day-to-day life. I have always thought that I shouldn't be like others, even though they might not keep me updated with everything, I have always tried to keep them in touch. But recently I have been getting very much irritated at friends/relatives who just don't reciprocate. When I put in the effort of uploading 100s of snaps and writing captions for them, atleast reply and let me know you have seen them, dammit! I know I make sure to keep you updated, but it would be nice to receive a "Hi, how are you?", just a single line mail from you. I am tired of hearing excuses of "Oh I'm too busy". How can anyone be busy to reply a single line or like a photo I put up, I'll never understand. Just how long does it take to type a single line comment? As a friend/relative, can't you spare a few seconds out of your life for me? People with kids keep telling me that they show Snugli's photos to their kids as if thats a consolation. Don't you get it that while you all know Snugli, Snugli doesn't know anyone of you because you don't bother to keep us updated?

I have realized that I'm using this post to clear out a few cob-webs in my head that have been bothering me recently and I'm certainly glad to have ;-) :-D.


Rohini M K retorted...

Very true Deepthi. What you've said about taking things for granted( I do, a lot of things), judging a person even before I've actually met(sometimes I do), relatives and friends not replying/commenting or at least acknowledging the fact that they've seen the pics and they're happy for you(yes! frankly I'm guilty of this too). This blog post really sort of cleared up some cob-webs in my head and gave me a fresh perspective and woke me up. I value relationships and in these fast changing times nobody knows what's the right thing to do with new kind of medium coming up every other day or nobody is around to ask or get an answer(though yahoo answers sometimes helps or googling too). Mom taught me to say 'hello' and talk to acquaintances in a certain way in certain settings. With these new things like facebook, internet there is no rule book. Common sense works but it's not so common anyways.. It is these small things that brings us together even when we are just miles or million miles away from each other.

Like.. a lot of times I've complained to my cousins that they've gone to another side of the world and have almost forgotten us but in reality it was me who never even bothered to leave a one line comment or 'like' the pics they've uploaded on some big festive occasions.

True. Ignorance is not bliss sometimes. If we choose to ignore then we should stop complaining and face the consequences of our choices and actions. This blog posts really struck the right chord. Hence the honest confessions and a long response.

Sweet Nothings retorted...

OMG VERY VERY TRUE! I'm so glad that I'm not alone in this realisation aspect.Yup, I stopped taking things for granted.One of the acquaintances was mentioning how people make great deal of pregnancy and prenatal care and how natural it is to give birth like all women do..well I disagree! With history of miscarriages I know what every minute of the pregnancy and giving birth means.
Yup seriously, when I see people go extremes to save -like I know a couple from few years ago who used to save water while showering to use that in commode to reduce water bills..seriously I'm like (wt_) and sad part is u save save save and lose your youth, toil here and go back to India to do what?Sorry it's just my opinion though.
And also you are very right about time factor.You can make time to do anything when you have will to.I believe 'I do not have time for this' is simple faaltoo excuse.
Again I can go on and on but hehehe:-)
I guess you inspired me to vent out somethings in my blog too perfect place huh... I guess:-)

Mamatha retorted...

I totally agree with you. I face the same problem. Even my own sisters do the same things. whenever i call they asks " oh u r calling after long time"(2-3 weeks). They can call me(at least missed call) or email me to know how we are doing (they have net at home). They just tell they are v busy. Before visiting india my neice and nephews give long lists.
Really I am fed up with that.
Thanks for the post.

Deeps retorted...

Looks like the post really struck a chord :).

Rohini, I hope many of the people I know realize like you did, that a relationship is built on to and fro. I know that the relatives and friends I keep in touch, do enjoy my photos/mails, but sometimes "I wanted to reply but didn't have the time" really irks me especially when I have spent the entire day in putting up the things I did.

Lavanya, I actually meant people in India assuming that Indians living in US are just there making money and nothing else (I actually went and changed that paragraph a bit to make that a bit clearer :-D). I know people here in US who are actually like that - don't go anywhere, buy a house here and don't even go to India to save money (as you said don't know for what). I totally agree that if you keep your life on hold as of now for a tomorrow that you are not even sure of, you are simply wasting away everything. You earn money to be happy, if you aren't able to have a basic family life then whats the point right? But I have relatives who think we are making hoards of money here when its not at all true ("Whats the big deal if they give gifts and spend money when they come here? After all they are in the US and have loads to spend"). And that can be very frustrating too.

Mamatha, good to know I'm not the only one facing this. But unlike you, I don't like it when people give me missed calls. Its like, I want to talk to you, but I don't want to spend the money for it. These days international calls from India are pretty cheap - its probably about Rs. 6 per minute from most mobiles. And we have certain people in our lives (don't want to bring up names) who give missed calls to wish us on our birthdays! (or even expect us to call them to get wished) I feel like, don't I even deserve a wish thats not initiated from my side?

I used to be a lot more liberal, but you know its tiring to be doing all the work from one side and there's nothing back.

Geetha retorted...

hi baby

cool, do you think our relatives/
friends read these post? Or they
will not have time to comment:-D