Like Duck to Water, thats how I have taken to life :). This blog is the saga of love and adventures of a small duck in a large water body called LIFE....

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

A change in need is a change indeed..

Sometime ago, one of my friends wrote about change. It was about how we need to adapt ourselves to changes happening around us. But thats not the change I want to write about. And no, I'm not referring to change as in money either :-\. The change that I want to talk about is the change we undergo each day, the personal change in our beliefs, in our behaviour, in our activities depending on things that influence us.

As we grow up, we undergo many a change. A person might declare that she/he hasn't changed at all. But we all know that cannot be true. As kids, we are immature, we do not understand anything. But as we grow into adults, we start understanding many a thing, we start undergoing a major change - finding a point of view about the world, about everything in general and some things in particular. Adolescence is the part of life when we are most susceptible to change. I'm not talking about good/bad change here. Its where we each learn whats good/bad for us (your good might not be mine yet). But as we grow into adults, we almost get molded into a fixed point of view.

One situation is that a person is living with others and is open to change. Then there is a chance for argument and changing personal views if she/he thinks what the other person says is right. This is true in many marriages. Each person gets influenced by the other and hence grows up to some extent. As partners, they each learn to make adjustments which are not exactly compromises, but mutual agreements to keep things running smoothly. Usually the changes that happen are good - both the spouses learn to fine-tune their behaviour to make things better, if not ideal. This is mutually advantageous and generally leads to a higher level of compatibility and understanding.

Another situation is when a person changes too much to please others. She/he gets influenced too much which in turn leads to loss of individuality and dependence on others for each and every decision. Its as if they don't have an opinion of their own. Simple decisions become complicated and lead to discord, if not in others, in the person itself. And it gets worse when they want to do something which does not meet the approval of others (I don't mean bad habits or any wrongdoings here, but simple things like buying a cloth for oneself). They have to make excuses for the very same things they love doing and once did without any objections. The suffering becomes one-sided and that too because the person didn't have the strength or wasn't allowed to voice out her/his opinions in the beginning. This may or may not be in a marriage as such. The point is that too much of a change is also not good.

And then there are some, who are not willing to change whether they live with others or are completely alone. These people become set in their ways and start to think that they are always right. They want everything, everyone in the house behaving the way they want, despite daily seeing what the others are going through, the struggles. In the beginning there might be some opposition from others, but when the person does not heed their words, they gradually stop trying to change the person. Hence these kind of people become used to getting what they want and doing what they want, when they want. If such people live alone, then its natural for them to be unwilling to any kind of change. The problem occurs when these people come into contact with others, they try to implement their will in others' lives and end up hurting others as well as themselves. But the situation is worse if it is in a marriage, then it so happens that the compromise is only from one person while the other person is not making adjustments of any sort at all. There are troubles brewing where they shouldn't and there might even be some suppressed wants and feelings which might be boiling beneath the surface waiting to explode anytime. It is a bit better if its more of a I-do-my-thing-while-you-do-yours attitude i.e live and let live policy, but thats not usually the case.

I know this is a strange topic to suddenly crop up from nowhere. All the people in our lives fit into one of these categories. Thankfully most people in my world are in the first one, but there are a few littered in the second and third categories. But as an onlooker, I end up feeling helpless and desperate, not able to help/interfere in such people's lives. And "helpless and desperate" is not a good feeling. Whats worse is that sometimes such things happening in others' lives may somehow end up affecting ours and end up hurting us or hurting a person close to us. We just have to console ourselves and move on. There's no way we can help/change a person unless that person genuinely wants to change. And thats the trouble isn't it? We all want the world to be according to our view and what we don't realize is:

It takes all sorts to make a world - a proverb.

On the same note, I wanted to put this video here. Its one of my favourite songs and has one of the most haunting melodies. Its called "Mad World" by Gary Jules.

Thanks to YouTube and user orijimi for the video.

The lyrics aren't anything great, but I do love this part..

I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take.
When people run in circles,
Its a very very...

Mad world..
Mad world..


Soumya retorted...

Very true Deeps.
Sometimes, I feel myself falling into the second and third categories. I have to consciously stop myself. Scares me.
I totally agree with the "helpless and desperate" part. It is so not good to feel that way. Some times, I try to advise people who are in those situations and end up being hurt. Other times I only vent.
Mad World is one of my favourite songs too. Owing to my zero knowledge about English music, I was glad to see a song that I know.

Deeps retorted...


Sometimes, I feel myself falling into the second and third categories.

I'm surprised to hear you say that because you are one of the people who's in the first category in my world. 'Cause I believe you don't get influenced easily, but still make adjustments when life requires it..

Some times, I try to advise people who are in those situations and end up being hurt.

Thats exactly it! Moreover such people actually come to you for advice in the first place and when you try to help, it doesn't better the situation, but ends up hurting you in some way or the other.

Mad World is one of my favourite songs too

Glad to know that :).

Sachin retorted...

What a post!!!

Soumya retorted...

I'm really glad that you put me in the first category. I believe I do belong there, but your saying it made me feel really nice. I do waver sometimes, not always, but I consciously stop myself.
About the advice part, I've really stopped yaar. It doesn't serve any purpose.